Someone has to be the first to stop gyrating in front of millions of people on a family show. Let’s look at who was denied that pleasure on the Dancing with the Stars Season 11 Week 1 Results Show.
Losers:David Hasselhoff & Kym Johnson
Head judge Len Goodman called it: It's never too early to panic. Unless you're The Hoff, who is probably the most sanguine first dumpee in the history of DWTS. He's fine. On the other hand, Brandy is still probably hyperventilating and we doubt she was ever in danger.
The Hoff considers the elimination "almost like America’s Got Talent payback" for all those times he shot down little kids and their dreams of ... a show on the Las Vegas strip. Besides, he was probably just here to shake his hips and feel up Kym Johnson during their tacky Cha-Cha-Cha to Tom Jones's all-too-appropriately-titled "Sex Bomb."
After the Season 11 premiere, The Hoff and Kym were tied for the lowest scores (15 out of 30) with Margaret Cho & Louis van Amstel and The Situation & Karina Smirnoff. As The Hoff told Kym in the confessional, shown early on the Results Show, "If we go out, we go out in a blaze of glory. And we're already wearing black for our funeral."
But it probably does hurt. It hurts Kym, anyway. As she said on Tuesday, you'd be lying if you said you didn't care about being sent home first. It hurts your pride. She knows — she was eliminated first with magician Penn Jillette back on Season 6. But she also won her own mirror ball with Donny Osmond on Season 9. And remember, Carrie Ann Inaba said The Hoff reminds her of the offspring of Donny Osmond and Jerry Springer. Then again, she also told him "You dance with your mouth more than you dance with your body." Bruno Tonioli appreciated The Hoff's Liberace sparkles, but called his Cha-Cha-Cha "like a potpourri of insanity disguised as dance." He suggested that The Hoff focus a little bit more next week. But, alas, it was not meant to be.
Just before announcing the results, co-host Brooke Burke (who looked gorgeous!) said "it’s going to be quite a shock" who leaves. The final two came down to The Hoff & Kym and Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer, although host Tom Bergeron said both couples were not necessarily in the bottom (sometimes the producers just like to mess with our minds). The Hoff's daughters, Taylor-Ann and Hayley, were in the audience, supporting their dad. They pushed him to do this and they said no matter what happens they are proud of him.
When David & Kym were announced as the ones to go, Brooke kissed The Hoff's arse about all the stuff he's done in his life, then asked what has been most difficult part of this.
The Hoff: "Oh, you know, it’s been a great ride and I just, I feel bad for Kym because she worked so hard to try to get me where I was going. I’m just so proud that my daughters are here and they got to see me go this far. So it’s great."
Tom: "I gotta tell ya, of all the first people to leave, in all the seasons I’ve hosted, this was the biggest surprise to me."
The Hoff & Kym hugged the 11 remaining couples goodbye as the band played The Police's "Can't Stand Losing You."
Hoff, we'll miss your manic energy and positive spirit. But don't worry — you'll still be huge in Germany.