You know how some of the Real Housewiveswomen from previous cities have been tough to relate to at times? Fear not, since the Beverly Hills women seem to have a little more in common with the rest of us. Like, don’t you hate it when you can’t remember which of your four nannies is taking care of your kids for you today? Or when your live-in personal trainer, whom you met at one of the 26 restaurants and bars that you own, won’t move out of your palatial estate? Finally, this is a group of women who gets us!
Tonight’s episode was a big introduction to the six women whom we’ll be getting to know (presumably too well). First up is Lisa, who likes to keep her personal business private. No, wait — that’s a ridiculous thing to say! Lisa has never had a thought that didn’t need to be voiced immediately. (Luckily, she does seem to have quite the sense of humor.) And she even tells us that she allows her husband, Ken, to have sex only twice a year, on his birthday and on Christmas. Let’s just hope for Ken’s sake that his birthday doesn’t actually fall on December 25th.
Living across the street from Lisa in a similarly palatial estate is Adrienne, a member of the Maloof family which owns... well, a lot of stuff. But is her life easy? Not in the least bit, she explains. In fact, she tells us that owning a professional sports team is “brutal.” We appreciate the heads-up, Adrienne! The next time we see that someone is selling a sports franchise on Craigslist, we’ll think twice before rushing out and picking one up. (What other advice can she impart? Like, “Don’t even think about getting a bronze statue of yourself erected in your courtyard! Having to buy all that bronze polish can really be a burden.”)
Among Adrienne’s friends is Taylor, who has been saddled with ambition, and who tells us that she’s envious of those of us who don’t know how much pressure it can be to have as lofty goals as she does. We appreciate your sympathy, Taylor! Taylor also tells us that she’s panicked about her husband leaving her for a younger woman, so she gets Adrienne’s plastic-surgeon husband, Paul, to inject something in her face that makes a golf ball-sized welt appear briefly stuck to her forehead. Somewhere, Gloria Steinam just shed a single tear.
And there’s Camille, who didn’t have time to tell us whether or not she’s married to anyone of note. No, sorry — she mentioned that she’s married to Kelsey Grammer about a million times. In fact, the only person who seemed to be more enamored of Kelsey than Camille was... well, Kelsey himself. He tells us that Camille needed some attention, and then immediately told us all about his new play. We feel like even Kanye West would consider that to be showy.
Also friends with the women is Kyle, who wants to include her less socially adept sister Kim into the group. Kyle is concerned that Kim is too dependent on her kids and isn’t making smart real estate choices. And what is Kim concerned about? She spends her time telling us that, as a child, she was “quite famous.” (Impressed yet?) And she says that she retired from acting and “gracefully walked away.” So appearing on Real Housewives is now being considered “graceful”? We’d hate to see what she considers to be tacky.
Adrienne decides to fly all of the women to Sacramento to watch her family’s team, the Kings, take on the Lakers. We realize that Kyle is such an irritating airplane passenger that, if we were seated next to her, we’d pray for severe turbulence, just so that the oxygen masks would come down and shut her up. Later, Adrienne tells us that the game was a great place to spend time with the girls. Really? Because other than Kyle, no one seemed to even realize or care that there was a game going on. (In other words, they seemed about as excited about the game as a bunch of professional basketball players would be about watching an episode of Real Housewives.)
And so we were introduced to a new batch of women, and this one promises to be crazier than ever. Sorry — we meant to say, this group promises to be “more graceful” than ever.