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Dancing With The Stars

Recap of DWTS Season 11, Week 5: Results

Because it was TV Week, it was time for an interminable series of television puns while Tom Bergeron recapped last night’s episode, followed by proof that Brooke Burke’s terrible fashion choices Can’t Be Tamed. This time, it was like a blue cocktail bar walked into a biker bar and jumped on an unsuspecting Brooke while a curling iron snick up behind.

To switch it up, they showed last night’s worst performances: Kyle & Lacey (who didn’t deserve it); and Bristol & Mark (who did — watching her forget the steps in slo-mo proved that). And then they were left onstage alone — meaning someone else was going to be at risk? At least it was Kyle & Lacey who were deservedly safe. But, then in a surprise move, Bristol and Mark, too, were safe! Duh duh DUHHH!

For the encore, they brought Brandy & Maks back. Brandy’s energy was as high as last night — but Maks seemed strangely subdued for the first half of the dance, which stood in stark contrast to Brandy’s wide smile. Still, it was tight, it was cute, and he found his smile about halfway through and even worked up a cheek kiss for Brandy at the end. Aw.

In the comedy segment of the evening, Bruno, Lacey and Mark got together to hawk a fake Bruno dance DVD consisting of all the late '80s and early '90s dance moves you thought you’d never see again. Mark was shirtless against, though, so that was cool.

Then it was time for Jason Derulo to perform “In My Head,” which kicked off with a black-and-white camera shot and which thankfully switched to color. He also thankfully brought his own dancers, including a couple of girls in the spandex pants that brought back the '90's nostalgia/horror yet again.

After interviews backstage where Bristol & Mark acknowledged they didn’t plan to be back and Kyle let the audience know that they go by Team Shmergle, it was time to review Jennifer & Derek and Brandy & Maks. But, before the results, it was time for another comedy commercial (seriously, guys, leave it to Saturday Night Live!) and a commercial break. Brandy & Maks were safe... but Jennifer & Derek were in jeopardy? Seriously? The audience booed.

To kill some time, they showed the story of the Mwano family that escaped to the United States from the Congo and loves to dance. It was all a lead-up to the surprise that the boys would be dancing on the show, with the help of some of the pros. Lacey got the littlest boy, but Kym, Chelsie, Karina, and Anna all got in on the action. Lacey, by the way, did a tremendous job keeping the youngest son on track and from being so nervous and, of course, their mother cried.

Then it was time to talk about Rick & Cheryl and Kurt & Anna — and, of course, results. Kurt & Anna were safe, but Rick & Cheryl were told they were in jeopardy. The audience booed again — I mean, these are people we actually want to see dance, not just be on the show for giggles.

Then it was time for yet another comic commercial — this time featuring The Hoff playing an ambulance chasing attorney called The Sledgehammer. It was about as painful as it sounds. And then it was time for Shakira to perform “Loca.” She, too, came armed with her own dance crew, enough sequins to make the costume designers drool, and some crazy hip action.

And because there wasn’t enough singing on a dancing show, it was time for Jason Derulo to sing, “Georgia On My Mind,” which we’re pretty sure was just a reason to have some unnamed professionals dance disjointedly with smiles inappropriate to the music and leaps designed to make the audience cheer in the wrong places for the music.

Backstage, Tony accused the band of dropping the first four bars of their song last night, which is why their scores were low. That does, in fact, ignore that the scores were based on Audrina’s inability to express human emotion with her face.

Audrina & Tony and Florence & Corky then took the stage for their round of judges. Audrina & Tony were safe, but Florence & Corky were in jeopardy. Oh no!

Then Cheryl & Rick, Florence & Corky, and Jennifer & Derek took the stage for the final judgment. Jennifer & Derek were, thankfully, safe. Florence & Corky were the unfortunate losers tonight, to some boos from the audience and finally a standing ovation.

Florence, in response to questions, said the show had the best producers, costumes, hair, makeup, crew, staff, and even judges of any show that she’d ever been on, and thanked everyone. And, of course, she thanked Corky, choking up. For the last dance, Corky & Florence hug-danced to “Thank You For Being a Friend” — yet another TV theme — while several people (including Anna and Jennifer) seemed to be holding back tears. We wish we could stand behind a night in which Bristol stayed despite a terrible dance and Florence went because of folks like Bristol’s mom, but we can’t. And we won't.