Recap of Gossip Girl Season 4, Episode 8: “Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”
Luckily for Serena’s academic career, the Upper East Side closes ranks around her. Colin has already resigned to be with her, and Blair snatches the incriminating flash drive and dunks it in her champagne, before declaring that she, not S, was the girl in the pics. In the end nothing is ruined except the poor dean’s evening of ballet-watching.
Colin decides that all things considered, he’d rather not pay the bills for someone who tried to drag his name through the mud. He cuts Juliet off, and the UES crew tell her to get out of town. But while Big J may be down, don’t count her out. Her new best friend Vanessa puts her in touch with a new partner in crime: Jenny Humphrey. That’s not going anywhere good.
Although Serena’s now free to be with Colin, she has an abrupt change of heart, and sends him packing with a chaste kiss on the cheek before putting in a definite booty call to one Dan Humphrey. He hurries to her side — but he’s not the only one. By the time he gets there, Nate’s already pouring out his heart, trying to get Serena back. Will she choose Dan? Will it be Nate? Will they stand there forever like a Bermuda Triangle of wishy-washyness? Time will tell!
Blair and Chuck end the evening basking in the glow of a well-executed takedown. They agree that it’s nice they’ve got all their fighting and scheming and hate sex out of their systems and they are now totally platonic friends. Which, of course, is when they fall into each other’s arms like sex is going out of style.
The Gossip Girl plot has been putting along in idle lately, but tonight its engine finally started to thrum. A couple reunites, a villain gets her comeuppance, and a wild card is back in play. Read all about it.
Remember last year when Serena and Nate did it in the refrigerator? Now it’s Chuck and Blair’s turn to do it on every possible surface. Cars, random storage shafts (that will be one startled deli owner), and even Blair’s bed — with an oblivious Serena sprawled out on the duvet. The two of them are in the throes of what they call hate sex, and what we call denial.
Serena, for once, is the one showing self restraint. She and Colin are still doing that weird platonic dating thing they’re so into, but haven’t done the deed. They’re even planning a weekend getaway together, with separate bedrooms. It’s such a big step forward for Serena that we won’t even point out that going on vacation with your professor is mindblowingly inappropriate no matter the sleeping arrangements. But a conversation with Dan, in which he points out several ways this arrangement is lunacy, convinces S to break it off with Colin. But Dan’s got an ulterior motive — he’s decided to get S back.
Nate goes to return some of Juliet’s stuff and finds out that she never lived in the fancy shmancy apartment she claimed was hers. For some reason — maybe because he no longer hopes to bone her — this is the thing that finally convinces Nate that Big J is big trouble. He recruits Juliet’s last victim, Vanessa, to help him figure out her deal once and for all.
Nate meets Juliet for coffee, and they do that thing where Nate’s like, “You lie about everything all the time,” and Juliet is like, “Oops, caught! Here is a tiny bit of truth to mislead you even more, delivered with an earnest face and quivering lip.” Then, of course, Nate thinks, “Oh, okay then,” and Juliet scratches him behind the ears and gives him a treat. But! This time is different, for while Nate is busily forgiving Juliet, Vanessa is sneaking into Juliet’s apartment.
V finds the photos of Serena all hot for teacher. It appears that V spent the ep or two she was away from the show selling her soul to the devil, because she’s determined to use the pics to take Serena down. When a newly virtuous Juliet refuses to release them, Vanessa steals the photos for her own devious little self.
It all comes to a head at the New York Ballet benefit. Juliet tries to stop Vanessa from releasing the photos, but when V reveals that it was Dan who sent her to spy on Juliet, J has a slobs-versus-snobs epiphany and she and V march up to the dean to spill the beans.