We honestly didn't know what to expect when we sat down to read Kardashian Konfidential. We thought, what in the heck is "konfidential" about the world's most famous women?
And so, somewhat skeptical, we opened the shiny pink book. It's the only book in history that looks like it was assembled by the AVON Lady. Five pages into this homage to waxing, sex, money, and men, we kinda fell in love.
First and foremost, the book should be scented. Like, when Madonna's Like a Prayer album (yes, album) came out in 1989, they scented the vinyl to make it smell like incense in a church. Brilliant marketing tool. When we opened Konfidential, we wanted to smell something girly and flowery and sweet. Instead, we just smelled eau du book.
Second, the book should say it was written by just Khloé — because even though we're supposed to believe the other girls are weighing in, too, it seems to be written in Khloé's fun and semi-insightful voice. Plus, all the handwriting is exactly the same — which makes us wonder if the same person wrote the notes we're led to believe are from the girls' personal archives. But perhaps the sisters share a generic girls' handwriting?
The book's thesis is immediately apparent — if it were spelled out any more directly, it might say, "Love yourself for who you are, no matter how fat, and no matter how long you don’t have a boyfriend. But don't forget to wax!"
Body image is the big theme here. Khloé has admittedly battled weight (and nose) sensitivity all her life, and her message — which is really aimed at 15-year-old girls — is an empowering one: "If someone doesn't appreciate who you are or what you look like, that's their problem." (The message was refreshing for us "grown" women to hear, too.)
Much of Konfidential reads like a sugary confessional, and some reads like a how-to book, with topics ranging from "how to sell stuff on eBay" to "how to attract the man of your dreams." (We're working on the latter and will keep you posted.)
Our favorite parts are the millions of photos and the "transcribed" conversations between the sisters. Here's one profound example:
KIM: Hey, Khloé, did you give me back my black top? My black Alexander Wang t-shirt? KHLOÉ: I gave it back to you forever ago. I dry-cleaned it and gave it back to you on my hotel hanger. KIM: I never got it. KHLOÉ: Kim, I gave it to you. KIM: I never got it. KHLOÉ: Okay, I'll buy you whatever.
We also love Kourtney and Khloé's tidbits about Bruce Jenner. (Kourtney said she didn't like him at first; Khloé thought he was cool because he wore Reebok Pump sneakers.) We find it equally hilarious that there is a story on every other page about a Kardashian crashing a luxury vehicle. (Of course, this brings to mind the MAD-TV spoof, Keeping Up With the Carcrashians.)
At one point, Khloé and Kim get serious and get on this quasi-responsible "do as I say, not as I do" kick. Both address their demons — Khloé lost her virginity at 14 and got a DUI during filming for Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and Kim eloped at 19. Both urge the reader to not follow suit.
Our main complaint about Konfidential — and it's a tiny one — is the constant use of the word "Bible," which they use instead of "swear to god." Annoying! The blatant product placements are also totally irksome. (Kim says she uses Finesse shampoo. Riiight.)
But the overall message — that blood is thicker than fame or money, and that we should all love ourselves — is a respectable one, even if it seems hokey or unbelievable at times. Let's just say that if books had hearts, this one would be in the right place.