“A Very Glee Christmas” Miracle: Artie Gets a Beistely Gift
Artie can walk again! Well... sort of. With his robotic legs, he could now pass for a character from any number of cheesy '80s action movies. (Anyone else see the 1989 Jean-Claude Van Damme film Cyborg? Or was that just us?) But maybe he should think twice before walking again. We wish we had an excuse to avoid having to take out the trash.
First, it’s Christmastime at McKinley. Schue wants to get the kids in the holiday spirit by caroling in classrooms for charity. Meanwhile, Emma invites him to spend Christmas Eve with herself and Carl, but he declines. Poor Schue is starting to make J.D. Salinger himself seem like a social butterfly.
Unfortunately, when glee starts to go caroling around school, the other students heckle them, and one teacher even throws her shoe! (No, it wasn’t a Louboutin, but still.) Then again, Schue should have known better than to have glee sing in classrooms. We have about as much sympathy for them as we would for someone who asked for their money back after a David Spade movie. It’s like, “What did you expect?”
Artie talks to Brittany about Christmas and discovers that she still believes in Santa. (Then again, discovering that Brittany believes in Santa is not quite as shocking as, say, discovering that the earth is round.) Artie and the gang accompany Brit to the mall, where Santa informs her that he can make Artie walk again. Talk about writing checks that you can’t cash, dude!
Kurt does a fun duet with Blaine on “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” just as Schue stops by to get help with picking out his Secret Santa gift for Sue. Turns out, Schue isn’t the only one trying to decide what to buy for the Queen of Mean; Sue has rigged it so that everyone drew her name! This debacle makes the Florida voting situation of 2000 look like a breeze.
Sue isn’t about to give up her gifts without a fight, of course. In one of the episode’s most hilarious moments, we see Sue don green-face to mimic the Grinch, Jim Carrey-style, with Becky as her trusty rein-dog. Poor Brittany catches her in the act, but Sue-as-Santa just claims to be improving Christmas. Sue is quite the schemer; Madoff would be proud.
Speaking of not going down without a fight, Rachel is determined to reconcile with Finn, but he’s too hurt to take her back. And Artie convinces Beiste to dress as Santa and visit Brittany, in hopes of clarifying that Artie getting new legs is an impossibility. We then get quite the touching scene from Beiste and Brittany, two sometimes-overlooked characters. Plus, Brittany got a chance to zing Rikki Lake in the process! Talk about a win-win.
Then, just as the kids are about to raise charity money by selling off the girls’ hair and guys’ watches (which would mean they would then have to invest in wigs and sundials, respectively), Schue decides to shake down the teachers’ lounge for money. Mission accomplished! Finally, those public school teachers have something to spend their big, fat paychecks on.
It’s then that glee realizes that Santa (actually Coach Beiste in disguise) has left some kind of futuristic walking mechanism for Artie. Long story short, Artie now has new legs, not unlike Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump. And by the end, even Sue has come around and instructs the glee kids to help trim Will’s tree so that he’s not by his lonesome. Sue in a charitable mood? Talk about a Christmas miracle!
And thus ended a delightful Christmas episode! Until Glee returns, we want to wish everyone a great holiday season and a wonderful time with your families. Well, maybe a “wonderful” time with family is a lot to ask for. So we’ll at least hope that no one in your family throws a shoe at anyone else. Small victories, people!