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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 1, Episode 11: Camille’s Bitchy Gift!

Can you believe that Camille gave Kyle a book called How to Behave? Is Camille trying to start World War III? Compared with gifts from throughout our nation’s history, Camille’s present to Kyle was not nearly as nice as the Statue of Liberty, but was at least slightly better than giving Kyle a blanket infected with smallpox.

Tonight’s episode, appropriately entitled “How to Behave,” began with Ken complaining to Lisa about how Cedric never helps around the house. And this entire time, Cedric is seen swimming in Lisa’s pool. We doubt that even Michael Phelps spends that much time in the water.

Next up is a fancy dinner at Lisa’s other restaurant, Sur, to celebrate her daughter Pandora’s birthday. We also meet Jason, Pandora’s boyfriend of four years, who appears to be more afraid of marriage than George Clooney is.

We hear Jason giving a big speech to Pandora, which sounds sorta like a proposal, and Lisa is getting excited... but then he doesn’t have a ring. And obviously, proposing without a ring is like eating Buffalo wings without bleu cheese dressing. (In other words, what’s the point?)

Meanwhile, Camille has decided to invite Adrienne and Kyle (and their husbands) to a day of tennis with a bunch of Camille’s other friends. But no sign of Allison DuBois, sadly. (We’re sure she’s off smoking her electric cigarette and finding new people to despise her.)

Camille then uses this as an opportunity to kiss Nick on the lips in front of his wife! (And Camille wonders why women hate her.) By the way, why exactly was Nick wearing that blond wig? A note to Nick: Leave the prop comedy to Carrot Top.

Camille invites the women for a swim, although it’s really just an excuse for her to show off her body. Classy! And Paul is sidelined due to yet another nose injury courtesy of their young son, who apparently is more abusive than Ike Turner.

Later, Kyle throws her annual White Party, which also happens to coincide with Mauricio’s 40th birthday. And the party just underscores what a catch Mauricio really is, as he cuts a rug with Kyle on the dance floor (and continues to look damn fine in the process!).

And speaking of catches, you know who *isn’t* one? You guessed it: Russell. At one point, Taylor wants to dance, but she looks over to see Russell downing another beer, all by his lonesome. In fact, Russell seemed so adverse to shaking his moneymaker that even the reverend in the movie Footloose would refer to Russell as uptight.

We see Russell find yet another way to make Taylor cry, this time by deciding that the party is boring and leaving early on his own. In fact, Russell is about as much fun at a party as Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg was in The Social Network.

And if you thought tonight’s episode was good, just when until next week’s, when Camille finds out from Kelsey that he’s ending their marriage! Come to think of it, the only thing worse than going through a divorce is having to watch Carrot Top perform “comedy.”