Penelope Garcia is the flamboyant and quirky Computer Technician from the Criminal Minds Behavioral Analysis Unit. In celebration of her move to the Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior team, we’ve pulled together Penelope’s best quotes from Criminal Minds.
Criminal Minds Season 3, Episode 9: “Penelope” Penelope: When I was in the ambulance I could hear the song "Heroes" playing in my head. I kept flashing in and out of consciousness, everything was really bright and I remember thinking, "Wait, is David Bowie really God?”
Criminal Minds Season 4, Episode 7: “Memoriam” Penelope: Ladies and gentleman, I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on TV, but I believe young JJ is going into labor.
Criminal Minds Season 3, Episode 5: “Seven Seconds” Penelope: Believe me when I tell you the 1980s just called. They want their security system back.
Criminal Minds Season 4, Episode 22: “The Big Wheel” Penelope (about a serial killer): He sure likes his blondes. Not a good date, though - too stabby.
Criminal Minds Season 3, Episode 14: “Damaged” Penelope (mortified that Kevin will talk with Rossi about their relationship): If you get within a hundred feet of Agent Rossi, I will unleash an unrecoverable virus onto your personal computer system that will reduce your electronic world into something between a Commodore 64, and a block of government cheese.
Criminal Minds Season 6, Episode 4: “Compromising Positions” Penelope (voiceover): Abraham Lincoln said, "Whatever you are, be a good one."
Criminal Minds Season 1, Episode 2: “Compulsion” Penelope: Okay, you know how on Star Trek when Captain Kirk asked McCoy to do something totally impossible and McCoy says, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!"? Derek Morgan: Hey, what are you telling me? Not to expect a miracle? Penelope: No, I'm saying I'm not a doctor. Derek Morgan: That's my girl.
Criminal Minds Season 1, Episode 12: “Fresh Hell” Penelope (answering phone): Penelope's house of "how may I save your ass today?"
Criminal Minds Season 2, Episode 4: “Psychodrama” Penelope: Um, pals, don't be ticked, but I think I might have missed the glaringly obvious; how would you make yourself taller without being a different person entirely or having some weird Chinese surgery?
Criminal Minds Season 3, Episode 17: “In Heat” Penelope (via phone to team): Prints belong to Deacon Rogers, Odessa, Texas. He's had a couple of minor arrests - one for marijuana possession, one for lewd behavior, which I'm guessing is code for "gay" in Texas.