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The Kardashians

Recap of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Season 1, Episode 1

The KKTNY season officially begins, and we’re excited not just because we’re about to watch THE show we’ve been awaiting for months, but also because Bridalplasty is over. Thank god for small mercies. We just couldn’t take one more taped-up nose.

We begin as our two leading ladies, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, check into their $5,000-per-night penthouse suite at Soho’s chic Smyth Hotel. Kim complains that Kourtney has a nicer room; Kourt explains that it’s because Mason needs the better room. (Which brings up the point that it is incredibly awkward and weird to not see Mason in any of this drama. He was cut out of the show and we just see his crib and hear Kourt and BF Scott Disick elude to him every two seconds.)

Scott is staying in a suite down the hall — hello, also awkward — and really funny that he appears in a different suit every time we see him. He seems to change clothes more than Kim does.

Kim starts to complain that Kourt and Scott are too lovey dovey in front of her — she feels like a third wheel. She’s turning 30 and is single in New York City and wants to go out — but Kourtney is a homebody mommy. (“I’m a madre,” Kourt says.) She literally drags Kourtney out to a bar, where the two meet Kim’s friend Carla. At which point Kourtney gets up to leave, since Kim has another ‘wing-girl.' Out of the corner of her eye, Kim spots One Tree Hill and Beyond the Break actor Michael Copon, whom she has known since she guest starred on Beyond the Break. Kim is not about to make a move, so Carla brings him over and the two reconnect. Then, Carla grabs Kim’s phone and pretends like it’s hers — and programs Michael’s number into it. (Kim is waiting for Michael to ask for her number; he doesn’t. What a wuss.)

Later, Kim, Kourtney and Scott are hanging out in Kourt’s room, talking about the fact that Kim has never called a guy before and would have no idea what to say. (“There’s such a thing as calling someone,” Kourtney says. “That’s what the guy’s supposed to do,” says Kim.) She rehearses with Scott, and the mock conversation quickly goes into the gutter. Then Kourtney calls Michael on Kim’s phone, much to Kim’s horror, and Kim hangs up. Michael, duh, calls back. And Kim doesn’t pick up. (How old are these people?) Later, Kim calls him back (nothing was said about the earlier awkward phone exchange) and asks him out. He suggests Serendipity — which means he gets a C for cheesy. But he is cute so we’ll cut him some slack.

The two meet at the famous Serendipity and order some kind of ridiculous chocolate blob-like thing, which Michael digs into. The two toast with their glasses of water, but don’t look each other in the eye — which means, they laugh, seven years of bad sex. So they toast again. Michael half-jokingly suggests they watch the movie Serendipity together — which is actually kind of cute. He seems to really like her; she... not so much. Kim suggests he come back to the hotel to “see the view.. They go out on the balcony and he moves in for a kiss and she pushes him away. Snap! He only gets a kiss on the cheek.

Credit: Pacific Coast News    

Meanwhile.... the plot sort of thickens with DASH, which is literally a shell of a store when they arrive. We’re supposed to feel stressed out with the girls, wondering if DASH is going to get up and running in time for the big opening, but since we know the ending already, that storyline is really pretty boring. (But let’s face it — they just used it as an excuse to do the show.) Even when Kanye West walks into the store, it’s not a surprise (we’ve heard about this for months now) — and it’s hardly even a surprise to see how flirty Kim is with him. So those scenes are kind of eh.

Cut to: Kim and Kourt at the gym lifting weights. Kourtney drops the bomb that Scott is moving in with them. She calls Kim a drama queen; Kim gets sniffly and walks out. Kim thought she would get to bond with Kourtney in New York without Scott lurking around every corner. No such luck. This plot twist seems totally planted. Meaning, we don’t think Scott was ever intended to stay anywhere but in the same suite with Kourtney and Mason and Kim. It just made for nice drama when Kourtney broke the news to Kim that Scott was movin’ in. Such is “reality” TV. Or are we just being cynical?

We’re loving all the little in-between-the-scenes interviews with Scott, though, who seems almost likable and (dare we say) a little cute in this episode. He keeps saying things like, “I really think I can improve myself a ton [in New York].” We so want to believe him, but we also don’t, because what would the show be without his shenanigans?

The juiciest part of the show is, of course, the promo for the upcoming season, when we see Kim on a bed with hottie SHENGO the bodyguard… and he takes off his shirt! We can’t wait to see how that storyline develops!

Meanwhile, we’re wondering if Kim’s current squeeze Kris Humphries watched the show with her — we can just hear her as clips of her kissing other guys zoom past. “NO, he’s SO not hotter than you! Stop it! You’re the hottest! Plus, I tweeted a childhood picture of you today and told everyone I want my son to look like you! I didn’t do that with anyone else!”)

01.24.2011 / 10:50 AM EDT by Caitlin O'Toole
Related: The Kardashians, Recaps

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