Recap of The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 4: The Black-Eyed Peeved
Note to Brad Womack: The therapy does not appear to be working. In fact, it may be backfiring. If we had a flow chart, you would see that the number of threats of violence on The Bachelor Season 15 hits the stratosphere in Episode 4.
Michelle Money goes after everyone in sight. If she didn't give herself that black eye, she should've. She also wants to give Brad his own black eye (how romantic) and threatens to kill him. She also threatens to elbow Ashley Hebert in the face (go for it), and Ashley Spivey wants to take credit for Michelle's mysterious bruise (get in line behind us). Chantal O'Brien, on the other hand, apologizes for her premiere night act of violence against her potential future husband. To thank her, Brad tells her to shut up and kiss him. (If he slapped her back, it would've fit right in with the rest of the season.) When Brad has his mini date with Emily Maynard (no producer manipulation there), Chantal says it feels like a punch in the stomach.
It's time to stop pretending this season is about love and fully embrace the fact that it's closer to a WWE smackdown. And can we please, please deliver the smackdown to Brad's therapy sessions? They need a black eye of their own.
• Michelle says she's very different from Chantal and if Chantal comes home, she'll be surprised. Michelle: "I don't think Brad is looking for someone like Chantal. […] I just think she's loud and hard." (Sounds hot to us!)
• Chantal and Brad take a helicopter to Catalina Island and go diving, even though it's a huge fear of hers. "He's worth it," she says. She goes on about how when you put yourself out there, the world can open to you. Brad's therapy talk is getting to her.
• Later, after their undersea adventure, Chantal dishes on her divorce. She married her high school sweetheart, and after they split up, she didn't date much. She knows what she wants now. It's all about finding the right person, then everything else falls into place.
• Chantal: "I think that I could be Chantal Womack, definitely." (Big statement, lady!)
• Chantal apologizes to Brad for her first-impression slap. She ended up hitting him harder than she meant to.
• Brad: "I love the playfulness between Chantal and I." He tells her, "You're actually a girl I could see a very real relationship with."
• He gives her a rose. It rains, which she says is good luck. They kiss.
• Brad doesn't want the date to end. He fells like he wants to grab Chantal's hand and run away. Chantal is in heaven. Awww!
• Before the cocktail party, Brad has more freaking therapy with his Los Angeles therapist, Jamie Greene, aka the British drummer from Go West. Snore.
• Shawntel, who is wearing a very cute green dress, gets some alone time with Brad to celebrate their "understated" connection. They do a "1, 2, 3" pickup, where he holds her like he did during the action movie date. It's their "thing" now.
• Brad pulls Emily away for a mini picnic in front of the house, complete with a blanket and pillows. He's recreating their vineyard date. Nothing contrived about this, no sir! No producers involved in an attempt to get Emily still more screen time! Brad says Emily means a lot to him and he doesn't want her to feel forgotten. He believes she deserves more than some one-on-one time at the cocktail party, which is a real slap in the face to the other ladies. Brad tells Emily he misses her, badly. She misses him, too. She doesn't appear to be feeling it as much, and Brad seems insanely nervous, playing with his cuffs, moving around, and having trouble maintaining eye contact. It's not a romantic mini date.
• The girls get catty and jealous. Chantal says you prepare for Brad kissing other girls, but not for him having special mini dates like this. She starts crying, because she feels something special with Brad and now he's doing this for Emily.
• Chantal interrupts Brad as he's talking to Ashley H. She feels like the biggest fool. Her logical side wonders what she's doing here, but her heart says to give it a chance. Chantal tells Brad that she sees him making connections with some "mentally unstable" women. He loves that she's independent and not needy. (But isn't she having the same needy conversation they all have?) She has to trust that he's man enough to get to where he needs to be. He assures her that damn right he's man enough! She pokes fun at him. Brad: "That's what I love about you. I'm trying to be tough but you just won't let me." This guy wants to be undermined. He should date Vienna Girardi.
• It's Michelle's day. Her day! Her special day! But when Brad shows up, he steals Ashley H. for at least half an hour to discuss her emotional issues from the group date the night before. While Brad and Ashley are talking, Michelle and Chantal fight and eye-stab each other. They agree to disagree about Michelle's actions on the PSA group date — which means they agree to talk smack about each other for the rest of the season. • Michelle gets to visit Brad at "his house." She wants to hang out there, but a chopper pulls up to whisk her away to the top of a building. She swears and freaks out — and that's before they have to rappel down the skyscraper to their dinner! Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez did this on the last season of The Bachelorette for their first date, and they had a romantic time of it. Michelle threatens to throw up. She cries. She pitches major diva fits. It's not romantic.
• Brad faces his fears, too, and he says he's so attracted to Michelle. Brad: "It was absolutely an overwhelming bonding experience." WTF, man? The adventure date may have sealed the deal for Jillian and Ed, Jake and Vienna, and Ali and Roberto, but please don't let it bring Brad and Michelle closer together!
• They swim, and Michelle makes Brad promise he won't rappel off another building with anyone else. He pinky swears.
• Michelle can't see Brad with any of the other women. Brad thinks she's "mature." Brad: "You and I seem to have an intense connection that's real." He can see his day-to-day life working out with her, taking care of her daughter Brielle.
• She gets the rose. They make out. Whomever Brad does pick in the end must love watching this date. (We're guessing it won't be Michelle.)
• The ladies and Brad talk to Dr. Drew & Psycho Mike on the famous relationship-focused radio show "Loveline."
• Brad tells the group that he's never cheated on a woman in his life; he didn't even steal a kiss from a girl on the football field in eighth grade. (What?)
• When Dr. Drew asks the ladies if they've ever cheated on a significant other, Stacey admits she once cheated on a boyfriend in college. She was being drunk and stupid. Brad says her honesty means a lot to him.
• Ashley H. announces that she feels herself shutting down and "rejecting." (How can you reject someone and be clingy at the same time?)
• Britt says she's interested in Brad, but she's nervous because she only gets 10 minutes with him. In a nice, honest moment, she reveals that she wants to get the perfect 10 minutes.
• Meghan plays therapist for Alli after Ashley S. steals Brad away from her during their one-on-one time. (What's with Ashley and her raspy voice wanting a hug from Alli? Why would Alli hug her for that?)
• Ashley H. makes a meal out of how upset she is about Brad talking to other girls. Jackie calls Ashley H. "exhausting," which is accurate. Stacey tries to talk to Ashley, but Ashley thinks she knows how everyone else feels — and they don't feel as much as her!
• Brad talks to Britt; he wants to know that he could fit into her life. Shy around guys she has a crush on, she wants someone who loves her for her. She and Brad kiss, and it's a sweet moment... until they catch Ashley H. standing creepily behind them.
• Brad and Ashley H. have an awkward discussion where she gets defensive and plays mind games. Brad doesn't know what's up with her. Neither do we.
• Just as Brad is about to hand out the group date rose, Ashley H. interrupts to groan that it's all so awkward. Brad pauses like a teacher waiting for a naughty student to get it all out. Ashley says nothing. Brad pulls Britt aside to give her the rose because Ashley's making such a scene.
• Losers club: Meghan thinks she may have had too many walls up, but Brad missed out on a great girl. Stacey says it was a big deal to put herself out there — and she definitely did put herself out there in that teensy dress. Not so short, ladies! Lindsay is just disappointed. She thinks her dad will be proud of her.
• A note on the hypocrisy: Brad takes his ladies to Dr. Drew to get them to open up and be honest, but then he dumps Stacey after she's honest about having cheated in college. He tells Meghan he likes how she's not someone who needs to be the center of attention in a hot tub, then he dumps her and keeps the needy hot tub chicks (Michelle and Ashley H.). NEXT WEEK
They go to Las Vegas: Shawntel gets a one-on-one date; the ladies take part in a Vegas show; and Emily goes on the NASCAR date and has to relive her tragedy. Everyone cries again, and the jealousy quotient shoots through the roof. "This sucks" comes up a lot. Michelle says, "Brad is a man, babysitting a bunch of little girls." And remember, she is a woman, not a little girl. A "mature" woman... if you believe Brad.