“I’ve Dranken a Lot More Than I Drank Tonight” and Possibly the Best Quotes Yet From Jersey Shore Season 3, Episode 6
"Jersey Turnpike" became a verb! Snooki said the word "sperm" 167 times! Jersey Shore Season 3, Episode 6 was chock full of oratory gems — so put on a clean T-shirt, slap on some baby oil, and check out our personal faves.
10. Ron: "I've dranken a lot more than I drank tonight." Who knew that conjugating verbs could be such an entertaining sobriety test?
9. Jenni: "We're gonna take the other Escalade and go to the sex store to get games. You wanna come with us?" Now that they've kissed and made up, it's really nice to see Jenni and Sammi spending quality time together again.
8. Snooki: "Remember I [masturbated] all day once, and the next day I couldn't even move?" Come to think of it, there were like, 3 whole episodes in the Miami season where Snooki was nowhere to be found...
7. Sammi: "Why IS Ronnie bleeding out of his ass? I have no idea." More like, "Why the hell do we have to watch Ronnie bleeding out his ass?" So many questions, so few answers.
6. Deena: "I definitely don't have sex on the first date. It's not Halloween. I'm not handing out candy for free. Like, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers. Dario is not going to get the golden ticket tonight." [Several moments later] "Whatever, my golden ticket was taken. It is what it is. And you know what, Dario is a good guy." If it's not like Halloween, then why the hell are we so scared?!
5. Ron's Doctor: "I promise I'm not gonna do anything graphic, I'm just gonna take a look." That is, without a doubt, the first time those words have ever been uttered on this show.
4. The Situation: "I mean, we're waiting for Sam, who's straightening her hair — whose hair is already straight! Come on, man! The only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain." Can we get an "Amen" in here, brother?
2. Snooki: "Everybody Google it. Because that's why the water is salty. From the f**king whale sperm." Scientists say that if all the salt in the sea could be removed and spread evenly over the earth's land surface, it would form a layer more than 500 feet thick — about the height of a 40-story office building. Which, in light of Snooki's hypothesis, is positively the most disgusting scientific visual ever.
1. Pauly: "Deena is crazy in the club. She Jersey Turnpikes all night long." Thankfully, she reserves her Garden State Parkwaying for the privacy of her own room.