Another week, another deliciously unhealthy portion of hot-mess goodness! Whether it's smashing up beds, or wearing a pair of cheap chaps, those meatheads sure know how to deliver. Here are our 5 favorite moments from Jersey Shore Season 3, Episode 7.
5) Now those are some clean shoes!
Everybody knows that the Macaroni Bandits are generally a bunch of dirty little hamsters, so it was refreshing to see Pauly D busting out a bottle of Formula 409 this episode. Sadly, though, the wayward guido wasn't using the kitchen cleaner to mop up the piles and piles of slop that litter the house, or even to mace an out-of-control, bedroom-destroying Ron. Instead, Pauly was using the cleaner to polish his already sparkling white sneakers. It's all about priorities, right?
4) Snooki's penis envy.
We're not sure, but did Snooki utter a single sentence that didn't contain the word "penis" this week? Not only did she compare Vinny's manhood to a bulky, cumbersome bed (employing the word "pinhole" in a way that we hope never to hear again), but she also harassed a poor waiter about his tight yellow shorts. Along with Deena, Snooki told the cowering restaurant worker that they could see through his skimpy bathing trunks — berating him for what they mistakenly called camel toe (you'd think they'd know what CT is by now), and ultimately calling his much maligned wang sub-par. The whole altercation definitely wasn't the kind of tip a respectful restaurant patron should leave. And we'd love to say that the girls were completely out of line — but really, if anyone in Seaside Heights is an expert in male size variations, it's those two seasoned Jersey Turnpikers.
3) JWOWW's (sexy?) surprise.
JWOWWi's rebound, Roger, was due to head out of town for a few weeks. Her remedy? Surprising him with the laughably horrendous pleather chap/bra combo she bought last week — a costume so unattractive, so hideously unsexy, it would have sent any rational man screaming out the door. Roger, of course, stayed the night. The best part, of course, was that JWOWW paraded around the entire house in the ill-informed getup — completely oblivious to the Ron/Sam uber-fight, and without a care in the world. Keep it classy, JWOWW. Keep it classy.
2) Delusion, thy name is Sammi.
Early in the episode, after Ron overheard Mike giving Sammi relationship advice, Pauly took his fuming friend to the boardwalk to cool down. Sammi, who herself had been cooling down with a few pitchers of Long Island Ice Tea, happened to catch Ron walking down the boardwalk and, for some completely irrational reason, decided that he was hanging with another girl. Because, you know, Pauly looks so feminine and lady-like. We'd tell Sammi to put on her damn glasses but, well. You know.
1) Really, Ron?
Ron is a barrel of contradictions. On the one hand, he's able to smash every single one of Sammi's worldly possessions without the slightest hesitation. His terrifying, merciless roid-rage was so brutally out of control that, at one point, he actually tried to throw a bed out of the window — a bed, we should mention, that Sam was still sitting on. And on the other hand, the guy's a blubbering mess of never-ending waterworks. Seriously, we haven't seen that much hysterical crying in a single episode since the last time Vinny shot down Snooki.
MORE FROM THE SHORE:
Vote! Did Ronnie Go Too Far By Destroying Sammi's Things?
How to Make Ron-Ron Juice
"Jenni Looked Hot. Like Porn Star Hot" and More Funny Quotes From Season 3, Episode 7