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Secret Life of the American Teenager

Valentine’s Day Advice for the Cast of Secret Life

It might be summer in Secret Life land, but it’s February in the real world, aka the most romantic month of the year! Time to send flowers to your secret crush, and practice kissing with your pillow! In the meantime, we have a few Valentine’s Day suggestions for all our fave Secret Life guys and gals. Who knows, maybe you’ll pick up a few tips for your big day!

Ricky: This is Ricky and Amy’s first Valentine’s Day as an official couple! They should celebrate in style — and without their adorbz love child in tow (no offense bay-bay John). We suggest a candlelit dinner, followed by a movie at Ricky’s pad. Something romantic, like Sixteen Candles (or Sixteen and Pregnant!).

Amy: We’ve already pitched our ideas for Ricky and Amy’s big night out, but it’s called Valentines Day. Amy is so stressed (what with having a kiddo and all) — girl needs to show herself some luvin’ before her date with the Rickster. We’re talking mani/pedi, Thai massage, and a trip to the hair salon. Her baby-daddy can pick up the tab. Ricky should probs buy some condoms while he’s at it — did you see the way those two were going at it in the promo?

Ben: This Valentine’s Day should be all about Adrian — because let’s get real, she probably feels like a beached whale at this point. Ben needs to make his baby mama feel sexy — because she is! How about some cute lingerie (size XXL, of course), and a bed sprinkled with rose petals? Sounds like the perfect recipe for a night of naughty fun — and they don’t even have to worry about getting preggers! Because they already are.

Adrian: We already suggested that Adrian spend a romantic night in with her baby daddy, but what about the daytime hours? We think she should hang with her besties, Grace and Ashley! These three glam girls can get dolled up for the evening’s events while they marathon Sex and The City and paint each other’s nails! Girly-ness galore! Oh, and Adrian can indulge in her crazy preggo cravings by devouring mass amounts of heart-shaped chocolate!

Grace: Grace and Grant still haven’t done the deed — but if you ask us, Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to get physical! If anyone needs to spice up her life, it’s Grace. And in the words of The Spice Girls, “Tonight is the night, when two become one.” Maybe Grace and Grant should skip the romantic dinner and spend the night in bed reading each other love poems and telling each other what they want... what they really, really want.

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Jack: Since Jack and Mad aren’t allowed to see each other over the summer (even though it’s winter in real life… so confusing!), he’s spending Valentine’s Day all by his lonesome. We’ve all been there. Jack should do himself a favor and ignore the nauseating romance around him. Oh, and maybe he could sneak a Valentine over to Maddy’s house. Or at least shoot her a sext!

Ashley: Sigh, another member of the lonely hearts club. And what’s worse, she’s in love with her sister’s boyfriend! Ash doesn’t seem like the kinda gal that digs Valentine’s Day to begin with, but she’s still gonna be super bummed when she runs into Amy and Ricky making out in the hallway. Maybe Ash should take a trip to the beach and wallow in her misery with a copy of The Bell Jar.

Madison and Lauren (c’mon — they’re practically one person!): Since these two besties are sexiled from their boyfriends, they obvi should spend Valentine’s Day together. Maybe it’s a good thing! Maddy and Lauren are boy cray-cray, so what if they place a little anti-Valentines Day bet? Whoever brings up their boyfriend first, loses. Winner gets Ricky.

Anne: This newly-single hot momma needs to find a new man stat! Hey — if Stella got her groove back, Anne should have no prob. Did you see her all vogued up in the new Secret Life promo? Her bod is rockin,’ so she should have no trouble getting a date for Valentine’s Day. Let’s just hope she doesn’t turn into a cougar. Hands off, boys!

George: We have a feeling George will be on daughter-watch this Valentine’s Day. And he’s not gonna stop until Amy is tucked up in bed –– sans Ricky. Our advice for this worried dad? Mellow out! Amy got pregnant once, she’s not going to make the same mistake again. George should spend Valentine’s Day alone with his dog as punishment for cheating on Anne… again.