You’d have to be living in a cave to not have heard Charlie Sheen’s name in the news lately (although even most cave-dwellers have probably heard all about him, too). And when there’s someone acting crazy, we can’t help but wonder how they compare to our own personal nut job, Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch).
We decided to assess Sue and Sheen in five different categories in order to determine who’s crazier. We just hope he doesn’t find out about this and call us all trolls or something.
1. Who is worse to work with? Charlie may have had issues with producer Chuck Lorre in the past few weeks, but by all accounts, his partying and shenanigans mainly took place while his show, Two and a Half Men, was on hiatus. Meanwhile, Sue has had Schue (Matthew Morrison) fired, served dog-poop cookies to Beiste (Dot-Marie Jones), and tried to shoot a student out of a cannon. That doesn’t sound like “Employee of the Month” material to us. EDGE: SUE
2. Whose conversations make less sense? This is a hotly contested category, as both often seem to be on their own planet. Sue loves crazy stories about Martha Washington and Abraham Lincoln that are wildly untrue. But Charlie Sheen has been confusing us all lately with his talk about tiger blood, goddesses, and melted faces. So we’ll have to give this one to Charlie. EDGE: CHARLIE
3. Who loves attention more? This one is a nail-biter, too, as both are clearly love to hear themselves speak. These past two weeks, Charlie has been interviewed by... well, anyone who has ever had access to a microphone. Meanwhile, Sue has a TV segment of her own, and she filmed that memorable version of the “Physical” video. But how can Charlie compete with someone who has actually had a ceremony to marry herself? EDGE: SUE
4. Who’s more violent? Okay, so when you put a knife to your wife’s throat — as Charlie was alleged to have done — you’re not exactly Gandhi. But Sue has been known to grab anyone in sight and throw them to the ground (including a guy down the stairs in “Blame it on the Alcohol”). So we’re giving this to Sue — although we wouldn’t really want to make it onto either person’s enemies list. EDGE: SUE
5. Who has more substance abuse issues? Sue has that weird weight-loss drink of hers, and we’re assuming she’s no stranger to performance-enhancers. Even still, you could take drugs at every waking moment for the rest of your life and still not get anywhere close to the near-heroic amount of substances that Charlie has ingested. This one is no contest! EDGE: UH, DO YOU REALLY NEED TO ASK?
THE VERDICT: SUE IS CRAZIER! Sue takes this contest by a nose (but don’t get us wrong — they’re both off their rocker). Looks like this is one category where Charlie isn’t “winning.”