10. Spencer: “You stole this?” Hanna: “No — it’s a sample.” Who is Hanna’s legal advisor? Lindsay Lohan?
9. Alison: “Jason doesn’t have friends. He has idiots who use him to get wasted and act like Animal Planet.” Let’s just hope they keep the feces-throwing to a minimum.
8. Hanna: [about Emily’s forgery skills] “You are totally getting me into Harvard.” Hanna, it’s time to face facts: Not even a letter of recommendation from Obama could get you into Harvard.
7. Spencer: [on whether Jason’s sober] “I never asked him for a urine sample.” Well, at least we know she’s classy.
6. Hanna: [to Aria, about pottery class] “I hope your first assignment is how to make a weapon.” Considering how close Hanna has come to landing in the slammer, it might not be a bad idea for Aria to make Hanna her very own shiv.
5. Tom Marin: “If [Isabel] had her way, we’d be renting out Veterans’ Stadium.” Most guys would only agree to a wedding at a football stadium if it meant cheerleaders at the bachelor party.
4. Melissa: “One of the perks of pregnancy — none of your shoes fit, and your fingers turn into sausages.” In Melissa’s case, your husband also turns out to be a homicidal maniac!
3. Emily: “[My mom] keeps telling me how much I’m gonna like the rodeo.” The only good thing about a rodeo? Cowboys in tight pants, as far as the eye can see.
2. Lucas: “According to your pal Mona, I’m right below the kid who blows his nose on notebook paper.” Ew.. Never borrow that kid’s notes.
1. Hanna: [to Spencer] “Your sister needs one of those dog collars — you know, one of those that zap your ass whenever you leave the property.” Hanna doesn’t seem to realize that some people pay a lot of money to get zapped on the ass every now and then.