10. Aria: [to her mom, despite still being grounded] “Your handwriting could use some improvement.” And the award for World’s Worst Ass-Kisser goes to…
9. Hanna: [about seeing a therapist] “Can’t we just watch Intervention and say that I went?” We also assume that instead of going to science class, Hanna just watches The Big Bang Theory.
8. Spencer: [reading note] “‘We’ll be late — take care of your sister, exclamation point. Mom.’ That sounds like a fun evening.” In Spencer (Troian Bellisario)’s world, this note couldn’t possibly have been worse news, even if it had said, “We’ll be late — please let our new pet cobra sleep in your bed tonight.”
7. Hanna: [about Lucas’ ability to talk to girls] “The kid’s gonna swallow his own tongue if we don’t do something.” Lucas’ game leaves something to be desired. He isn’t exactly the next George Clooney.
6. Lucas: “I may never eat again.” Hanna: “Did a rat fall in the fry oil again?” C’mon, guys — that’s a delicacy in some countries. (In other words, down the hatch.)
5. Aria: “This place is skeevy.” Hanna: “She pawned her sister’s wedding ring — you’re not going to go to Tiffany’s.” Although at this point, Breakfast at Tiffany’s sounds more enticing than Breakfast at the Alley Behind the Pawn Shop.
4. Spencer: [to nurse] “I’m sorry, this is kind of important. Could you, like, not be here right now?” If we were that nurse, we would have said, “Could you, like, not be a bitch?”
3. Jason: [to Aria] “I miss that pink hair.” Literally the first time anyone has ever said that sentence.
2. Caleb: “[Lucas] gets nauseous just talking about [his date], and I’m on the bottom bunk.” Long story short, Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) now sleeps in a raincoat. With the hood up.
1. Hanna: “I thought talking to empty chairs was the kind of thing people come here to stop doing.” If Hanna really wants practice talking to empty chairs, she should purchase a ticket to see Limp Bizkit in concert. Zing!