10. Ashley (Laura Leighton) shoots down Hanna (Ashley Benson)’s red-hot dress: “Hanna, it’s a funeral, not a Nicki Minaj concert.” Please! Nicki would only wear that thing if it came with a multi-colored wig.
9. Hanna explains herself to Caleb (Tyler Blackburn): “My mom and I usually try to save our Eat, Pray, Love moments for when we’re alone.” Yeah, minus the eating.
8. Hanna shoots down Caleb’s advances: “One fake date does not a relationship make.” Whatever you say, Dr. Seuss.
7. Aria (Lucy Hale) real-talks with Emily (Shay Mitchell): “For months we’ve been about as welcome in this town as a cold sore.” Come now. These girls have never had a cold sore in their lives!
6. Aria tells Ezra (Ian Harding) her life story: “From ages two to seven my family used to call me Pookie Bear, but all good things must come to an end.” Well, we know what “A” will be calling Aria from now on.
5. Emily’s thoughts on Jason (Drew Van Acker): “That guy’s a freak and he always has been.” '90s hair does not make someone a freak, Em!
4. Caleb makes fun of the best movie ever: “You must not have heard me. I said we were watching Goonies tonight.” Hate on Goonies and we hate on you.
3. Ezra chats with Aria about their relationship: “Telling your parents is not toe-dipping, it’s a cannonball.” Oh, Ezra. We have no idea what you’re saying some of the time. Speak high-school English, please, rather than the extended metaphors they love in the books you read.
2. Hanna schools Caleb’s foster mom: “Do you see that lady over there? That’s my mom. She’s also a senior partner at the firm of Dolce, Gabbana & Leibowitz. So I suggest you give Caleb his money and continue to give him his money ‘til he turns eighteen, or I’ll have to get Erin Brockobitch over there to haul you to court.” Little does Hanna know Caleb’s mom is being represented by the firm of Hermes, Chanel & Prada.
1. Jason tells Aria about his partying days: “I blacked out and woke up the next morning with a wicked hangover.” We’ve all been there. The mysterious note in the pocket? Not so much.