Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO    
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True Blood

20 Things We Learned From Season 4, Episode 4: “I’m Alive and on Fire”

We’ve learned all kinds of life lessons from watching True Blood — for example, you should always carry a water-proof foundation for quick touch-ups if your face starts to fall off.

Soak up some valuable words of wisdom with 20 things we’ve learned from Sunday’s True Blood episode!

1. If your infant can’t write, you should be worried.

2. If your infant can write, you should be worried.

3. Basically, if you have a baby, be worried.

4. Denim-on-denim outfits (aka Texas Tuxedos) need to make a comeback ASAP.

5. Always carry a knife with you, in case you need to whittle a spear out of a stick.

6. If your face melts off, don’t throw your skin on the ground. It’s gross.

7. Note to self: Buy bejeweled pope’s hat.

8. Sleeping with your distant relative will only be met with mild-disapproval by her family.

9. When we think of “cat woman,” sexy superheros no longer come to mind.

10. If you’re on the brink of death, find the nearest freeway and pass out. Your best friends will be there to help you out within seconds.

Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO    

11. Don’t let your baby play with markers.

12. When hunting vampires, always carry an enormous red blanket with you.

13. If your foster-vampire seems lethargic, make out with him.

14. If your boyfriend seems overly eager to play Barbie, don’t let him into your house.

15. If you don’t brush your teeth before bed, bugs will crawl in your mouth.

16. A circle of candles in the middle of the woods = don’t go there.

17. Girls with weird teeth get all the hot guys.

18. If you can’t find a book you need, start crying and it will probably explode out of your bookshelf.

19. Fairy blood gets you way more krunk than Four Loko.

20. The Spanish Inquisition was no fun for hot babes who chant Latin.

07.20.2011 / 12:03 AM EDT by Mehera Bonner
Related: True Blood, Top 10 Lists

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