”Europe’s That Big Country!” and More Quotes From Jersey Shore Season 4, Episode 1
Vinny put the "I" in "bidet"! Ron's friends put an embargo on Sam-related smushing! Jersey Shore Season 4, Episode 1 was chock full of oratory gems — so put on a clean T-shirt, slap on some fake tan, and check out our personal faves.
10. Deena: "In Italy I'm expecting: bring a guy home. But I won't do sex." Of course, Deena never told us what she considers "sex" to be, so...
9. Sammi: "I'm enjoying myself. I'm actually, like, happy for once, and not trying to be miserable. No more tears for Sammi Sweatheart." Girl, we've seen you sucker-punch a dude. It might be time to drop the whole "Sweetheart" act.
8. Ron's Rando Friend: "If you go out with Sam, I'm going to kick you in your f**king nuts when you get back, I swear." Ron's Friend: 1 Ron's Balls: 0
7. Snooki: "Is that where I get pesos?" Wow, somebody skipped a lot of pages in her Lonely Planet: Italy guidebook.
6. Vinny's Uncle Nino: "Lift up their arms. If they got hair, they're good to go." And that, boys and girls, is how the men of Jersey Shore landed on an Italian sex offender registry. (Also, is that not the most disgusting and disturbing advice you've ever heard in your entire life?)
5. Snooki: "Italy's like that big country — no-no-no, Europe's that big country. And then you got like, Britain in there, and England, and Italy." And don't forget South Africa, and the Iraq — everywhere like such as! Honestly, the most terrifying part of Snooki's statement is the fact that she actually has college credits under her tiny, gold lamé belt.
4. JWOWW: "There's no f**king outlets in this place. I don't understand it, do Italians not believe in electricity?" And we're off to a culturally sensitive start!
3. Pauly: "If Deena's boobies could talk, they would say, 'I'm a good time, I'm a blast in a bra.'" Pauly D, boob whisperer.
2. Snooki to Sam: "We should get fake boobs together." In a year or so, Snooki. First, Sammi's saving up for that life-saving personality transplant.