In this special one-hour Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we pick up right where we left off last week: with Kim Kardashian in tears. And if you think that sounds dramatic and oh-so-entertaining, well, let’s just say, you’re right!
In case you missed the tail end of last week’s theatrical adventure, let us catch you up to speed. The Kardashians – er, minus Khloe and Lamar – flew to beautiful Bora Bora, where Momager Kris and hubby Bruce are set to renew their vows (something that Mama K doesn’t know yet). And although the ep ended shortly after the K Klan arrived, everybody seemed to be having a fabulous time. Well, everybody except for Kim, who not only panicked at the size of her vay cay boudoir, but also just lost a $75,000 diamond earring in the ocean in the first 20 mins. And even though the celebutante jumped off the fam’s private dock into the sparkling, turquoise ocean on her own accord at first, the second time Kim’s lover Kris tossed her in, making the missing diamond stud all his fault. Obviously.
Anyway, this new ep opened with Kim, clad in a white-and-creme swimsuit we’re kind of obsessed with (her mascara-stained cheeks? not so much), bemoaning to her mom about the loss of her expensive-as-eff earring. Mama K’s response? “That’s what’s insurance is for, honey.” Sister Kourtney also just-so-happened to overhear Kim’s dramatics, but the slightly more level-headed KDash sister had a different reaction: “Kim, there’s people who are dying,” she said. And there are starving children in Africa! And writers who can barely pay rent! Seriously. Let’s put things in perspective, Kim.
But the blubbering brunette barely had time to process Kourtney’s life-changing statement before Operation Find-Kim’s-Ridic-Expensive-Earring came to a sudden halt. Beau Kris and little sister Kylie found the sparkler! And almost immediately, Kim shut off the unflattering waterworks, slapped on a half-smile, and puckered up to her beau – even if the whole thing was still, clearly, his fault.
However, not everybody was willing to let the earring incident go so easily. Kourtney wasn’t too stoked about Kris roughing up her little sis and throwing her into the deep end – in more ways than one. Baby daddy Scott Disick, who for whatever reason was also invited, tried to defend Kris’ childlike antics, but honestly, we were too distracted by adorable little Mason to really give a damn what he had to say.
And despite their earlier smooch fest, Kris (that’s Humphries) was still reeling over the earring fiasco of 2011, and he makes a good point: Why does Kim own something so expensive that would make her cry if she lost it? Why would anybody place so much value on a material object?
We guess this couple really is learning a lot about each other on this trip. Kim is a materialistic drama queen, and Kris Humphries may or may not be on steroids. That bark he kept doing? And why was Kim so good at imitating it? Maybe he’s been slipping ‘em her way, too...
Speaking of slipping, Scott opened up to Kourtney about his recent foray back into the world of alky-hol. If ya’ll don’t remember, Scott got pretty tipsy on his last “business” trip to Vegas, but lied to Kourtney about it, and then tried to make her feel guilty for thinking he was gettin’ all wastey face. Once again, Scott told Kourt he only wants to drink to “fit in” but he’d totally be able to control himself if he only had a few drinks. Oh, boy. We’ve heard that before.
Next, the two Kris’ spend some time getting to know each other. Kris Humphries felt ‘ambushed’ by Mama K’s questions about babies (which he says he’ll have if they’re as cool as Mason) and marriage, but overall, we think the two got on pretty well.
Oh, and did we mention Scott has issues with more than just Kourtney on this trip? He and Rob’s relationship has been on the fritz for awhile, but this family vay cay is bringing out the worst in both of them. At family dinner things between Scott and Rob start to heat up. Rob made fun of Scott’s bright blue polo (no popped collar), but not one to let someone younger (or more famous) get the last laugh, Scott dished it right back and asked Rob why he didn’t have tear drop tattoos like the rest of his ‘rapping friends.’ Rob told Scott he should leave and called him a d-bag.
We don’t know what it is about dinnertime, but each and every time this fam sat down to grub this week, something went awry. The next time the fam gathered for food, Scott made a comment about a tanker in the ocean and Mama K, who has made it very well known she is very unhappy with her bod, somehow twisted Scott’s comment to be about her. “He called me a tanker!” she said. Um, no, Kris, that’s just your conscience. Mama K won’t even lay out with Kim on their private dock because of her body issues!
Mama K’s self esteem stuff actually becomes a bigger deal, too. The mother of six told Bruce there was no way she’d get into a Polynesian sarong for their vow renewal ceremony. She even cried while trying to pick out outfits with Kim and Kourtney! Well, now we know where Kimmy gets it... And we know she’s self conscious and all, but anything she could find in that store would HAVE to look better on her than that hideous green muumuu thing she’s already got on. Cringeworthy, we tell you.
Shortly after, Bruce confronted Kris and told her she can wear whatever she wants to the ceremony. He said he just wants her to be comfortable, and Kris agreed to go through with it. We mean, after Bruce’s adorb speech, it’d kinda be cruel not to. Plus, Kourtney made a very good point: There’s always Photoshop!
Later, the Rob and Scott drama came to a head. Scott confronted Rob in an attempt to fix their broken bond. And what better way to to do that than with some poolside brews? Rob insists Scott doesn’t have to drink just ‘cause he’s having a cold one, but Scott assures Rob he’s not ‘doing it just to fit in.’ Uh, wait, Scott. Isn’t that exactly why you said you wanted to drink earlier?
Then, we have the Kardashian klan’s big next adventure – sting ray and shark feeding! Things almost took an ugly turn, when Kim’s boy Kris pushed Rob into the ocean. Rob was visibly terrified, but everybody recognized it was nothing malicious and all just about having fun. Guess he does fit in with this fam! Not only were we worried because, well, he tried to drown four of the eight people on the trip, but we also flinched when Kim mentioned she’d been married before and Kris looked like he’d been hit across the face with a baseball bat. Yup, Kim’s past marital affair was news to this guy!
Later, the Rob and Scott bromance is back in full force. Don’t get us wrong, we’re happy the dynamic duo are getting along for the fam’s sake, but we’re not so sure how Kourtney’s gonna feel about all the boozin’. While she didn’t seemed too pleased, per se, she said she realizes she can’t try to control Scott. At least, not all the time. We gotta admit, though, we cracked up when Scott accused Kourtney of being jealous of his hangout time with of Rob (riiiight), especially ‘cause Kourt barely looked up from the storybook she was reading to Mason while he was talking, to which Scott retorted: “And you wonder why I hang out with other people.” Seems like Scott might be a little jelly himself!