Sex Party! Recap of The Secret Life of the American Teenager Season Finale “And Circumstance!”
The day we’ve all been waiting for has finally come: It’s the Secret Life of the American Teenager summer finale — the culmination of an entire season filled to the brim with tears, laughter, bitch fights, and meat scraps. The good news? This was definitely the best episode of the year. The bad news? We have to wait months for our next Ricky fix!
Fear not, fan girls. You can cure your post-Secret Life blues with Wetpaint Entertainment’s recap of the most important moment in TV history: Ricky and Amy’s engagement!
Can you believe senior year is almost over? It’s amazing, especially considering we never saw any of these kids actually attend class. Grant High’s halls are buzzing in anticipation of the upcoming graduation ceremony, and everyone has one thing on their mind: Ricky’s proposal to Amy!
Amy suspects that her baby daddy has a romantic plan up his sleeve, and she tells Lauren and Madison that he might pop the question. The proof? John can’t stop saying “ring.” Wow, way to suck at keeping secrets, little dude. Of course, Lauren and Mad Dog proceed to tell the entire school about the impending engagement, including Adrian, who takes the opportunity to press her hot bod all up on Ricky’s grill in the hopes of getting a smooch. Ugh, get control of those animal urges, girl.
Ben runs into Adrian in the hallway and tries to get her mind off Ricky by inviting her to Pappi’s Tacos, and once they GTFO, Ricky appears and delivers an impromptu recital of his graduation speech to no one in particular. Oh, and did we mention this scene was set to an instrumental version of “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne? ‘Cause yeah, that definitely happened.
Meanwhile, Jack is busy prepping for his graduation prayer, but he seems a little forlorn. He’s taken to roaming the Grant High hallways having hallucinations about himself with a mushroom cut. Or wait, maybe that was a flashback. It’s hard to tell. Luckily, Coach Carter makes Jack feel better when he announces that he’s following him to college. Sigh, this is just like the time Mr. Feeny followed the Boy Meets World kids to Pennbroke! Anyone? Anyone?
Jack asks Grace for help with his invocation and they brainstorm about what he should say. Our suggestion? A lengthy musing on safe sex. Of course, Jack can hardly concentrate because he’s too busy having flashbacks about football huddles, but luckily Grace has already written a speech for him. Oh and by the way, this is an invocation — not a prayer. As Counselor Katelyn belatedly realizes, prayers are so not allowed at public schools.
Pomp and Circumstance!
The Grant High Graduation is finally upon us, and after Jack says his invocation, Ricky (sorry, Richard) takes the podium and gives the most depressing graduation speech in the history of depressing graduation speeches. He talks about his abusive father, his horrible childhood, and then caps it all off by proposing to Amy.
Because nothing says romance like popping the question to your baby mama in a room full of strangers.
Of course, Amy can barely keep herself from swooning and says “Yes, yes a thousand times yes” while an enraged and delusional Adrian has to be physically restrained by Jack. Awwwww, it’s all so adorable... minus crazy Adrian.
Meanwhile, there’s even more drama in the audience than there is on stage! That’s right, it looks like George and Anne have gotten back together. Again. It’s like, make up your minds already, you two.
Party Like It’s 1999
The Secret Lifers head over to Jesse’s cabin in the woods for the most epic graduation party in the world. So what’s on the menu? Beer, food and a bowl of condoms. Here’s what goes down: Grace and Daniel heat up the dance floor only to get interrupted by Jack; Daniel’s ex, Raven, shows up uninvited; Ben finds a pretty redhead named Dylan to hook up with, and Jesse tries to pop Lauren’s cherry. Oh, and everyone gets totally wasted.
But the party really gets started when Ricky and Amy make their first appearance as an almost-married couple and start making out in front of everyone! Awwww, how adorable! And then things get strange.... Amy decides the best way to keep her man is by letting him kiss Adrian, so Ricky waltzes up to Aids and plants one on her. So, how does Adrian react? She’s totally unimpressed! That’s right, for the first time in his life, Ricky’s lips actually manage to gross someone out. Thank goodness, now Amy and Ricky can live happily ever after!
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, because in Secret Life Land “Graduation Party” is code for “Giant Group Orgy.” Let’s see, where to start? Madison accidentally on purpose sleeps with Jesse, Jack pounds Raven, Adrian does the dirty with Henry, Ricky and Amy presumably make sweet love, and then the next morning Jack hooks up with Grace.
One thing is for sure, there are definitely going to be some baby bumps next season. Keep checking in with Wetpaint Entertainment for news, spoilers, and the latest info about when Secret Life will make its triumphant return! In the meantime, we’ll leave you with a few wise words courtesy of Ricky’s graduation speech: “We are all part of human kind.”