Three routines into Dancing With the Stars Season 13, Week 2 and it was already clearly past judge Len Goodman’s bedtime.
“Ain't it time for Castle now?” Len griped. And he was just getting started — scrunching his face for almost every performance, challenging choreography as not dance-appropriate (J.R. Martinez, you were robbed!) and bickering with his fellow judges. Despite his best Grumpy Gus routine, the Jives and Quicksteps of Week 2 mostly showed slight improvement on the Cha-Chas and Viennese Waltzes of Week 1. Unfortunately, Chaz Bono did not improve, retaining his low score of 17 out of 30, while this week’s frontrunner, Ricki Lake, only landed a score of 23 out of 30. Sorry, but those are first week scores. This season’s cast either has to step it up or the judges have to stop checking their watches until the start of Castle.
So is this the end for Chaz or will his motivated fan base save him and instead sink one of the other low-scoring stars, like David Arquette or our beloved Carson Kressley?
Read on for a full recap of DWTS Season 13, Episode 2:
1. Hope Solo & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Jive to "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne — Hope has been pulling double duty, but doesn’t seem too stressed about it. Still, Maks threatens (jokes?) that they are going to be eliminated on Week 3. Thanks, pal! She looks hot in their dance but Maks is a total dork — in a bad way. Not into this dance at all. Maybe it’s the music, but it feels too frenetic. JUDGES: Len Goodman said “Booyacatcha”, which only he understands. It was crisp and sharp, he said, but she lost her timing a little bit. They didn’t quite have the synchronicity. Bruno Tonioli says she has thighs that could crack a walnut, but she lost her place too many times. There is a difference between a kick and a flick. She hasn’t put enough time into the routine. “You have to apply yourself.” Carrie Ann Inaba loved her performance. It was entertaining. SCORES: Carrie: 6, Len: 7, Bruno: 6 = 19 out of 30.
Vote for Team MakSolo: 1-800-868-3408
2. Kristin Cavallari & Mark Ballas — Quickstep to "Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend” by Marilyn Monroe — This is a great old Hollywood Quickstep. They looked beautiful. The judges are going to eat this up. JUDGES: Bruno was bedazzled by the dance, but at times she lost her frame. Yes! Bruno almost hits Len for the first time this season. It only took a week. Carrie Ann said last week Kristin was nervous, this time she was sophisticated and elegant. “I thought it was gorgeous.” Len said they look fantastic, but “it wasn’t as good as you looked.” Ouch. They broke hold a couple of times, which is against the rules. But overall he thought it was a great improvement on last week and well done. SCORES: 8, 7, 7 = 22 out of 30.
Vote for Team KristinBalls: 1-800-868-3403
3. David Arquette & Kym Johnson — Jive to "Runaway Baby" by Bruno Mars — David said the Jive is a lot like him — a little silly, but also complicated. He’s having trouble staying calm. Side note: David is kind of hot when he shows off his arm tattoos. Here’s another Jive that feels a little disjointed. It’s fun, but there’s so much going on, it’s kind of overwhelming. His daughter, Coco, caught his coat in the audience. So cute! Patricia Arquette in the audience, too. Nice to see her. JUDGES: Carrie Ann calls it “a little bit Carson-esque.” Nah, Carson opens his mouth more and is just hilarious. Carrie Ann said David was almost too loose. Len said he was almost speechless, adding “Ain't it time for Castle now?” WOW! BURN! He said any resemblance to the Jive was coincidence. Wow. Bruno said they told him not to hold back and he didn’t. He was like a runaway train. SCORES: 6, 6, 6 = 18 out of 30.
Vote for Team Good Times: 1-800-868-3406
4. Elisabetta Canalis & Val Chmerkovskiy — Quickstep to "Don’t Get Me Wrong” by The Pretenders — They are already fighting in rehearsals. Maybe they weren’t the best match? He wants her to be more enthusiastic. She wants him to calm down. It’s Maks and his partners all over again, except it’s not cute with these two, it’s just uncomfortable. They moved well during the dance, but they also seemed to break hold and we already know Len is not a fan of that kind of thing. Ironic song choice! JUDGES: Len said it’s not great, but it was better than last week. Bruno said Elisabetta is back on track. “The pistons were pumping!” She has the ability the get lines as good as any Lamborghini. Carrie Ann said one of the best things about the show is seeing people have a tough time then come back. “The Quickstep is your dance.” SCORES: 7, 7, 7 = 21 out of 30.
Vote for Team Valisabetta: 1-800-868-3407
5. Rob Kardashian & Cheryl Burke — Jive to "Surfin’ Safari” by The Beach Boys — During rehearsals, Rob says he is insecure about his weight and his man boobs. Cheryl wants him to be really animated. But maybe he gets too animated, since he kicks a hole in the studio wall. Who is going to pay for that? Their routine is surf-oriented, which would explain the loud Hawaiian costumes. Rob doesn’t move fast enough for the Jive. His steps are tentative although, once again, he has a big smile and seems to get into it. His sisters don’t seem to be in the audience, thankfully. JUDGES: Bruno said his timing was excellent and he had a great improvement. Carrie Ann said it’s official: “Rob Kardashian is a better dancer than Kim Kardashian!” Carrie Ann calls the dance fantastic. Len said the performance was confident and full-on. SCORES: 7, 7, 7 = 21 out of 30.
Vote for Team CherBert: 1-800-868-3402
6. Carson Kressley & Anna Trebunskaya — Quickstep to "Walking Back to Happiness" by Helen Shapiro — He’s so adorable. And he’s such a hard worker. Love their cute black and white intro. JUDGES: Carrie Ann said she saw improvement yet she’s not sure what happened to the improvement in the dance. He was a little bit wobbly. She worried that Carson was going to knock Anna over. Len said if he held his knife and fork the way Carson held Anna, he’d starve to death. In a nice backhanded compliment, Len said the worst dancers are always the most fun to watch. Bruno said it’s “Pee-wee Herman goes to the prom.” Once again, they all compliment his entertainment value. SCORES: 6, 6, 6 = 18 out of 30.
Vote for Team CarsonAnna: 1-800-868-3409
7. Ricki Lake & Derek Hough — Jive to "Hey Ya!" by OutKast — Ricki is exhausted in rehearsals, but she wants to make Derek proud. Derek is giving up the goods on the floor, showing some chest and singing along with the song. She even gets to lift him up by his pant buckle. Dang! Len said a couple of steps disturbed him and he didn’t like it. But he liked the fun and exuberance. He wanted a bit more Jive content. Derek tried to talk about some swing moves, to which Len said “We’re judging the Jive here, me old sausage.” Ha! It was an improvement over last week, though. Bruno said Ricki was the first one tonight to do the kicks and flicks correctly. “And you got to sit on Derek as well.” Definitely a bonus! Carrie Ann said it was the best dance of the night so far. SCORES: 8, 7, 8 = 23 out of 30.
Vote for Team DRickilous: 1-800-868-3411
8. Chaz Bono & Lacey Schwimmer — Quickstep to "Love Is All Around" from the Mary Tyler Moore Show — Chaz is having major knee issues. Nice “Psycho Mike” Catherwood cameo at the start of the dance. Their routine wass cute and endearing. JUDGES: Bruno said it was like watching an Ewok dance with Princess Leia. But the Quickstep has to be fast and it wasn’t quite there. Carrie Ann said she could see Chaz in pain. Len admires Chaz’s grit and determination for getting through it, but it’s a Quickstep and he’s moved faster through a car wash. Ha! SCORES: 6, 5, 6 = 17 out of 30.
Vote for Team Schwaz: 1-800-868-3412
9. Chynna Phillips & Tony Dovolani — Jive to "The Boy Does Nothing" by Alesha Dixon — Chynna expects to get the steps right away and can be really hard on herself in rehearsals, shouting “Fudge!” The, ultimately, something stronger. “I'm just going to start cursing. Sorry, Jesus, I have to curse!” Awesome. She really works it on the dance floor, no shyness or hesitation. The woman can move! Love seeing her hubby Billy Baldwin do his smokin’ sizzle move in the audience. JUDGES: Carrie Ann said she really enjoys watching Chynna dance. She has natural grace, but Carrie Ann felt Chynna played it a bit safe. Len said the show is about expectations. He expected her to come out and attack it. It was good, but not great. The Jive is about wow, but this was a “polite” Jive. Bruno said there’s a sexy siren trying to come out, but it’s not there yet. SCORES: 7, 7, 7 = 21 out of 30.
Vote for Team CHYNNADOVE: 1-800-868-3404
10. Nancy Grace & Tristan MacManus — Quickstep to "It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)" by The Andrews Sisters — Tristan wants her to attack the dance like she’d attack someone in court. (Scary!) She’s moody and temperamental in practice. At one point, she shuts down, turning her back to Tristan and the cameras. They hold hands in practice as she apologizes for screwing up. He apologizes for not taking her feelings into account. They are adorable partners. He brings out the best in her, for sure. She’s so darn lucky. There’s a random cut after their dance, showing a room filled with people who are not clapping. Apparently Nancy had a bit of a wardobe malfunction after all that quickstepping and ABC cut to stock footage of the audience so she could, er, collect herself. JUDGES: Len said “how refreshing.” Every other Quickstep has broken the rules. They maintained hold. Len doesn’t care about the lack of flash or razzamatazz. It was a proper Quickstep. Bruno said she was vivacious, alive and confident. “It was a bit top-heavy at times.” Hello! Carrie Ann said there was improvement this week. She does like more razzmatazz, though. Len starts fighting with Carrie Ann about it. It’s way past Grumpy’s bedtime. Carrie Ann salutes Nancy & Tristan’s teamwork. SCORES: 6, 8, 7 = 21 out of 30.
Vote for Team MacGrace: 1-800-868-3405
11. J.R. Martinez & Karina Smirnoff — Jive to "Jump, Jive an' Wail" by The Brian Setzer Orchestra — Another black and white opener segues into color. This wass a very ambitious, peppy Jive. Wow! JUDGES: Bruno said J.R. was born to dance. He has a feel for the music that comes from within. It was the most satisfying overall performance of the night. Carrie Ann said it was great and fantastic, but there was a lift. She’s the Lift Police! Len said what’s on the label is not on the tin. He wanted a Jive and they gave him a Lindy Hop. It was a great dance, but it wasn’t a Jive. Come on. SCORES: 7, 7, 8 = 22 out of 30.
Vote for Team Martinoff: 1-800-868-3410
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