10. Dana’s son is also giving this year’s commencement address at Harvard. Kyle [about Dana’s son]: I mean, he counts, he reads, he speaks Thai, he knows the solar system, he takes Pilates.
9. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Brandi [about her ex]: I was like, I’m taking you to the bank, motherf***er.
8. Even that would make more sense than how Brandi actually hurt her foot. Kyle: Well, there Brandi goes, putting her foot in her mouth again — maybe that’s what happened to her other foot!
7. Taylor is not exactly angling for a job as Lisa’s publicist. Taylor: I think Lisa’s qualified to be a commentator on the royal wedding because she’s British. [Eternally long pause.] And... married? Married and British.
6. There’s nothing subtle about Dana’s wardrobe selection. Kyle [to the tune of “Here Comes the Bride”]: Here come the boobs...
5. Do we need to consult Camille’s mom’s rule about hands with this one? Lisa: I haven’t actually seen Dr. Drew’s Twitter, but I’ve heard it’s rather large.
4. This is always a good rule to follow. Kyle [about Brandi’s son]: Can you not at least go up and say, ‘“You don’t whip out your penis at a party and pee on the grass”?
3. Kyle and Brandi are off to a great start, don’t ya think? Kyle [about Brandi]: I didn’t think you were a slut. I do now!
2. Way to keep this divorce classy... Camille: I was married to that — big hands, big feet, big disappointment.
1. Giggy can’t get enough of Wills and Kate. Lisa: Have you got, like, an earpiece for Giggy so he knows what’s going on?