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Fan Fiction — The New Girl Visits Bones

This off-season is taaaaking foreeeever! We want Bones Season 7 to start October Nownth and not November 3rd (which is when it starts for real). In the meantime, what do we do with ourselves? Sure we could STEAL a bunch of photos from a reputable magazine, but we're not thieves. Our respect for copyright trumps our lust for info. We could talk more about The Finder, but... well one thing that show hasn't found yet is... your interest. We kid! (Kinda.) We respect the creators, but we're not wearing our mouse out clicking on their bios.

Bones fans are known for being slightly more literate, soooo... we're kicking out some fan fiction! What if Zooey Deschanel returned to Bones in her new role as The New Girl? What a wild crossover! Lightning flashes between the dimensions! A curtain between our reality and another is cast aside and world's collide! It might go like.... this:

The new girl took a deep breath, smoothed out her skirt, adjusted her glasses and entered the lab. A dude with a goofy smile was like, “What are you doing in the lab?” and the new girl was like, “Oh, I, um, er…” and Goofy Smile was like, “It’s cool, sister, you can tell me,” and the new girl was suddenly, like, super calm, because the guy was so nice, and she started to answer, but a song came out.

I need some help, because I lost my keys,” she sang. Goofy Smile didn’t blink. “You,” he said, “are a-dork-able.” The new girl blushed, and her cheeks turned the color of a New England sunset. Suddenly a shirtless dude came in and was like, “Bones! Where’s my shirt?” and he was followed by a girl who looked sorta like the new girl but taller and kinda meaner looking.

The new girl stared at the shirtless guy and sang, “Maybe your shirt is with my keys,” and the Mean Version of the New Girl frowned, which made her mouth look like a kind of angry padlock, and was like, “What are you doing in my lab?”

Goofy Smile was like, “She’s cool, Bones. I can vouch for her,” and he nodded at the new girl and tried to wink, but he was smiling so much it made his eyes too tight to close only one at a time, so he ended up kind of double winking, which is really blinking.

Credit: Hart Hanson on Twitter    

“Whatever!” sighed Bones, and she tore through the lab knocking over Bunsen burners and stuff looking for the shirtless guy’s shirt. The new girl kept staring at the shirtless guy’s chest while he tried to figure out with Goofy Smile if he could remember the last time he was dressed. “Let’s try and work it out backwards,” said Goofy Smile. “Maybe that’s the way to find it.”

Bones was like, “Booth!” for that was the naked-chested dude’s name, “Booth! Just wear one of these sheets we put on the bodies!” He reached for one and wrapped it around himself. The new girl sang, “You look like a Roman Emperor,” and then she blushed to the color of some old knockoff designer handbags. Bones was jealous. Goofy Smile was jealous and new girl didn’t know where to look. Then she saw a glint of light, a kind of sparkle coming from the area of Booth’s chest not covered by the sheet.

It was her keys. They were lost in his chest hair. Goofy Smile got a tool from the lab that digs out lost keys from dude’s pelts, and gave them to the new girl. She started to sing her thanks, but Bones stopped her, “Just get out of here, ya weird twin,” she barked.

As the new girl turned to leave, Goofy Smile was like, “I can validate your parking,” and the new girl smiled so very big. Everything was going to be ok.

Booth never did find his shirt, though.

So, how did we fare in our first stab at fan fic? Another chapter? Should we all pretend this never happened? Try again, but don't stink next time? Loved it?

You tell us!

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10.5.2011 / 03:26 AM EDT by Addison Walker
Related: Bones, Character Relationships, Bones Season 7

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