10. Len Goodman [to Rob Kardashian]: "When you were walking around it was as though you was a waiter, giving out hors d'oeuvres." Great idea! Rob should do that.
9. Bruno Tonioli [on David Arquette’s Paso Doble]: "He was being butch and strong — like I like it!" Note to David: Don’t do this again or he’ll think you’re flirting.
8. Anna Trebunskaya: "I look all tough but I'm really a soft wench on the inside." Sounds like a tasty Russian pirate cookie.
7. Len [to Hope Solo]: "I get frustrated and I’ll tell you why." Tom Bergeron: "Age?" Tom is about to get himself thrown into Ricki and Derek’s Psycho scene.
6. Bruno [to David]: "I love the way you crack your whip, like a pumped-up masculine action hero — tight muscles in tight pants." David, two words: restraining order.
5. Chaz Bono: "I'm glad I touched Carrie Ann. That sounds really wrong. But you all want to know where I touched her, don't you?" No! Okay, maybe Bruno is curious.
4. Len [on Carson’s Viennese Waltz]: "It was like childbirth — terrible while it’s happening and a joy when it’s over." Wait, isn’t Chaz the transgender contestant … Len, are you telling us something?
3. Carson: "Pirates are basically guys running around in tight pants, open shirts, looking for jewelry. Um, I think I can handle that." Pirate Eye for the Straight Guy!
2. Tom [after the DWTS pro troupe’s opening number]: "You can never go wrong with lightsabers and spray tanning." Point to ponder: What would Luke and Han look like in sequins and spray tans — and who would be the better dancer?