In America’s Next Top Model Cycle 17, Episode 6 “Coco Rocha”, the All-Stars got in the the end zone for a flag football beach challenge. How can you top bikinis + models + beefy hunks from the NFL? After posing for some fierce photos on the beach, the ladies had a “bitch fight” photo-shoot with supermodel Coco Rocha and learned what it’s like to be around a professional. No offense, Ty-Ty.
In lieu of a traditional recap, we’ll be ranking the girls (and judges — we see you, too!) based on their charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent (oh wait, that’s another show). Check out our ANTM Power Play below, starting with the Top Model loser.
Ranking: 14, Coco Rocha
What was Coco’s publicist thinking? Poor thing had to spend all afternoon with duos of frightened modelstants clawing at her, and then Tyra’s team of stylists forced her into a Shakespearean frock for the judges table. So not glam.
Ranking: 13, Nigel Barker
Nigel had the job of babysitting the top models while they frolicked around in bikinis and eye-sexed football players. We can only imagine what his therapy bills must look like.
Ranking: 12, Alexandria
Called: Bottom two
Alexandria misinterpreted the flag football challenge as an opportunity to go bat crazy. Who knows if it’s the pig tails or the fact that she seems to have more than a few personalities up in her, but we’ve skipped being “so excited” and gone straight to being “so scared.” And don’t even get us started on this girl’s photo-shoot. She looked like she was auditioning for The Real Housewives Of The Asylum.
Ranking: 11, Bre
The top model pressure has finally gotten to Bre. She spent most of this episode screaming and flashing her upper thigh and the camera. Even Coco was traumatized, and this is a woman who makes her career on looking “ugly-pretty.” We’ll miss you Bre.... but we’ll take comfort in the fact that you’ll probably pop up in our nightmares.
Ranking: 10, Dominique
Everybody loves themselves some Domino, but there’s just no excuse for those giant pants. We can only assume she’s stashing a bunch of liquor in there to get through the week.
Ranking: 9, Lisa
Lisa chose this week to tell us about her life as a poor orphan (or something, we weren’t paying close attention), and then took out her fury on some innocent NFL players who were forced to witness her running. But nice stunnah shades, girl!
Ranking: 8, Tyra Banks
Congratulations, Tyra. You win, okay? Everyone noticed your obsession with suspenders and now the entire top model crew are wearing them. You’ve created a trend. Are you happy?
Ranking: 7, Shannon
We’re just relieved Shannon didn’t end up crying about Baby Jesus during this episode. Her head is in the game and she’s ready to play! Well, until nudity is involved, in which case she’s ready to pray.
Ranking: 6 , Angelea
We seriously cannot get through an episode without one of the modelstants breaking down into tears, and this week it was 716 herself. Luckily, Jay reminded her that she used to sleep at a bus station, and everything was okay again. The hood bitch is back! Also, Tyra told Angelea that she looked like the Bride Of Frankenstein. That’s as close to a compliment as you’re gonna get from Ty.
Ranking: 5, Bianca
Everyone in the house still totally hates Bianca, most of all Lisa –– so Bianca took her down to Chinatown in the football challenge. Not to take sides, but YOU GO GIRL!
Ranking: 4, Laura
Laura was way more fun back when she was shoving hot dogs in her mouth. Then again, she was kind of adorable running around the beach with that innocent smile on her face. Girl is growing up before our very eyes –– she might even hit puberty soon!
Ranking: 3, Kayla
Called: 6th, mini-challenge winner
Duh Kayla’s gonna rule at the flag football challenge. And according to her, it’s because she’s a lesbian. It’s kind of in her skinny genes. Not only did Kayla win the game, she also unintentionally flashed her butt to the camera so many times it was considered Not Safe For Life and had to be blurred out.
Ranking: 2 , Allison
Alison is literally incapable of making any noise other than a chirp. When she was asked to scream by Jay, the tiny peep that escaped her mouth made us seriously concerned that a cat was being strangled by Tyra somewhere off stage.
Ranking 1, Andre Leon Talley
So this week, Andre dressed himself up as a Vietnamese rice paddy worker with a matching kimono (which are Japanese, by the way) and styled Kayla for her challenge photo-shoot. We have a clear winner.