But Lisa wasn’t exaggerating when she bragged about being able to win the challenge on last night’s episode. She’s been around the rapping, hip-hopping block before. And she’s more than accustomed to dancing half-naked while she lip syncs. A guide to her musical conquests:
“Ace of Spades,” 133,000 views: 2007 Following the same formula as “Like Whoa,” this upbeat shout-a-thon has a pretty appealing chorus, but the rest just sounds like someone desperately trying to get our attention by yelling about cars and not having a job. Also why is she wearing a long piece of pink silly string as an outfit? There is never a good reason for that. Trust us.
“Grind,” 20,000 views: 2009 Oh, autotune. What did reality stars do without you? Well, we know what they did. They took a spin in the studio with an expensive producer, who promptly told them they sounded like screeching birds, and shut it down. Fortunately, Lisa found a (clearly inexpensive) producer who whipped out autotune instead.
“Trainwreck,” 54,000 views: 2009 We’ve all been there: wake up in a stranger’s bed, find a parking ticket on your car, bike home and call the girls. Floss your teeth, use said floss as an outfit, then rush to the nearest graffiti’d wall and grind up against it with your posse. We’ve all lived this day, Lisa. We just didn’t videotape it.
“Faded Fluorescent,” 5,000 views: 2011 An officially released single from Lisa’s upcoming album Flippin’ the Bird, Lisa monotones about being a geek and last season’s trends. She looks fantastic, and there’s clearly a higher production cost backing this video. But can’t she come up with dance moves other than bopping in front of the camera wearing big sunglasses? Oh, and shoving her (admittedly hot) butt in our face?
“Hopscotch,” 500 views: 2008 This is video of three girls in bathing suits and high socks from American Apparel instructing a nightclub on how to hopscotch your way to hotness. There is also a screeching bird on the sound system telling everyone to put an 8 track on.
We sincerely do wish Lisa the best of luck with her music career. We just wish she would win this silly modeling contest and use whatever money she gets to invest in some clothing that actually covers her body.