It was the slap heard ‘round the world! Tonight’s stunning episode of Glee featured fake mustaches, real bloody noses, an Adele mash-up that would even give the woman herself a run for her money, and a final scene that had us gasping! So let’s get started — and don’t worry, you can check your MySpace page later. (You can admit to still having one. We’re all friends here.)
The episode, “Mash Off,” starts with a giddy thrill, as Puck confesses he’s cuckoo for Ms. Corcoran and then gives a crazy rendition of “Hot for Teacher,” which we kinda loved. Did we love it because it featured the best vocals of the night? Not by a long shot. Did we love it because it featured Blaine and Mike grabbing their (respective) crotches and Brittany with a tie around her head? Now you’re getting warm.
An interesting revelation comes early on, as we learn that New Directions and Troubletones will be facing off against each in Sectionals (along with some group called the Unitards; what — no Warblers?) So if the Troubletones lose, is that the end of that storyline for this season? (In other words, will anyone be shocked if it ends in a tie, a la last year’s play-it-safe outcome between McKinley and Dalton? We think not.)
Speaking of the feuding choirs, the New Directions and Troubletones are preparaing for a mash-up competition, giving Santana an excuse to deliver an epic amount of (admittedly priceless) putdowns at Finn’s expense, mostly about his supposed weight problem. (Is he fat? We’re as clueless as Rachel.) And we still love Santana, but some of her lines tonight seemed especially cruel. Maybe she’s auditioning for a spot on next year’s Comedy Central Roast?
Sue is ramping up her smear campaign against Burt Hummel, coming up with wild accusations about how he has a bamboo heart, and how he married a donkey, and how he recently knocked up a groupie because he wouldn’t wear protection. (No, sorry — that last one was a wild accusation that’s recently been made about someone else, albeit someone with a tad more hair.)
Kurt tries to stop Sue, but she informs him that all campaigns have to get dirty, and that his student-body campaign should, too, if he wants to have any shot at winning; Kurt says he can win honorably. And did anyone else get a Star Wars vibe, with Sue trying to coax Kurt over to the Dark Side? And can we just say that tonight’s episode was the perfect amount of Sue, used in the perfect way? We get brief spurts of her where she’s so over-the-top incensed as to not really be mean, and then we get a little bit of heart from her at the very end of the episode. (See what you did there? You tried to get us to jump ahead to that awesome ending! Shame on you.)
Next up is a dodgeball free-for-all that leaves Damian McGinty's Rory with a bloody nose (although we’re just relieved that no one threw a wrench, as in the film Dodgeball). At a student-body presidential debate that is attended by tens of people, Kurt vows to ban dodgeball if he’s elected. Although we're not totally sure that today’s high-school kids even play dodgeball. It seems a little like if one were to ban Medieval-style jousting from high schools (or anywhere). And then Rachel does the unthinkable and relinquishes the spotlight, dropping out of the race to support Kurt.
Meanwhile, Quinn still wants her kid, so she asks to join the Troubletones and blah blah. Sorry — do we sound a little bored with this storyline? Maybe it’s that we’ve been reliving this same plot in just about every Quinn episode this season. Wouldn’t this storyline be more interesting if we see that Quinn’s actually a great mom, but she still is kept from Beth? As of right now, we wouldn’t even want Quinn to take care of our cactus while we’re away on vacation.
Luckily, the Puck and Shelby story is providing surprises, as the McKinley High senior and Troubletones coach continue to get closer. And is it just us, or is Puck’s newfound paternal instincts — along with this week’s fake mustache — causing him to remind you an awful lot of Tom Selleck’s character in Three Men and a Baby? Okay, maybe it’s just us. (And speaking of that movie, whatever happened to Steve Guttenberg? Just checking.)
And NOW for the big bang of an ending: Apparently, Sue’s fellow congressional opponent Reggie “The Sauce” Salazaar (who is a Herman Cain stand-in if we’ve ever met one) has a daughter at McKinley (which is awfully convenient, but whatever) who overheard Finn “out” Santana after he endures her string of insults.
So “The Sauce” mentions in a campaign ad that the head cheerleader is a lesbian, and suddenly, Santana is forced out of the closet. And then, following that to-die-for Adele mash-up by the Troubletones (made all the more moving by Santana's glances in Brittany's direction), after which Santana goes up to Finn and slaps him, apparently channeling her inner Cher from Moonstruck (or is it her inner “nun from that one scene in Airplane”?). Either way, it was one hell of a slap.
This is certainly a fascinating twist, and one that makes it hard to choose sides. Santana has certainly been not-exactly-cuddly these past few weeks, but it’s still clear that Finn totally crossed the line. Plus, are we seriously supposed to believe that a campaign ad would refer to a high student as a lesbian? We think not.
So our favorite scene tonight? We loved seeing Rachel and Shelby getting closer, but our top pick was Rachel explaining to Kurt that she withdrew from the presidential race so they could go back to being besties. Of course, we couldn’t fully enjoy that scene because we were screaming at the top of our lungs, “Who are you, and where did you get that astonishingly life-life Rachel Berry mask?” Because that selfless person up there had to have been a Rachel imposter, right?
(By the way, if you didn’t know, the last two lunar eclipses to be experienced by earth were 372 years apart, and that’s about how much time will pass before we see Rachel voluntarily step down from anything again. So be prepared to tell your grandkids about it.)
We also liked seeing Finn suggesting Rory for the Hall and Oates solo. That said, we must confess to being a little nervous about how Damian is being used. (Like, does he really only have four episodes left?! Where has the time gone?) Sure, his character has been cute, but we don’t know much about him, so he’s sorta feeling like “Sam Lite." Let Rory break out of his shell a bit, Glee!
So this was quite the crazy episode, and a pretty great one, too — although the mash-up episodes are usually fairly memorable. Obviously, we feel for Santana, so we can only hope that she winds up happier in the long run. In the meantime, we might watch a DVD to unwind — anything but The Phantom Menace.