Credit: Michael Desmond/The CW 2011 The CW Network    
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Gossip Girl

The Gossip Girl Workout! Get in Shape — With Help From Your Fave Upper East Siders

It’s something we’ve just never understood: All the characters on Gossip Girl look like models — yet they don’t appear to ever watch their diets or go to the gym.

They're constantly scarfing down macaroons and swilling caloriffic booze ... and we’ve certainly never caught them sweating it out at the gym with the plebes. We're not sure Chuck (Ed Westwick) even has sweat glands.

So how do the Gossip Girl characters maintain their perfect figures? We've got a few tips for how to do your cardio the Gossip Girl way.

Fly a noble but impoverished count who is also the world's greatest fencer from Liechtenstein to Manhattan on your private jet. Put him up in a former Borders that you've gutted and turned into your own private fencing studio (you drove the chain out of business just to get the space). Spin him lies about how you need to avenge your sister's death at the hands of a Moroccan buccaneer so that he'll teach you all he knows. Learn his secrets 45 minutes, 4 times a week. 90 minutes if you had a big lunch.

Right? Has to be. Come on.

Blair: Yoga/Pilates/Ballet/Stairmaster/Boot camp/Zumba

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Find out what the most trendy workout is at the moment. Master it. Master it!

What's that, it's 3 AM, you baby? Sleep is for people who can hold Standing Bow pose longer than Bikram himself! You must be the best at this and at everything! Every day of the week, 2 hours morning and night, or however long it takes.

Rugby! Soccer! Jogging! Swimming! Frisbee! Chasing a ball! Oh, boy, that was fun! Chase that ball again! Good boy!

Dan: The Gym/Hypocrisy

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You don't get this obsession with physical perfection. Isn't it what's inside that counts? You're not as shallow as these Upper East Side shallow people.

Keep telling yourself that 10 times, 3 days a week, while you lift weights at Crunch. Just for your health, of course.

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