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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap of Season 2, Episode 14: Taylor Armstrong’s Malibu Meltdown

There was fighting galore on tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The biggest conflict was surprisingly between Taylor Armstrong and Camille Grammer’s bestie D.D. Whitt, but there were plenty of other squabbles as well, including one resulting from the absence of a particular article of clothing. Let’s just say that Kyle Richards does not “support” Brandi Glanville, shall we?

The episode begins with Lisa Vanderpump joining Pandora and wedding planner Kevin Lee to pick out place settings for Pandora’s big day. And it’s here that Lisa admits to something that will surprise absolutely no one: She wishes the wedding were hers. Uh, ya think?

Meawhile, Kyle has organized one of those rare things: A party on this show in which none of the party guests has to be held back while screaming obscenities at someone else at the party. In fact, it was a Cinco de Mayo party for Mauricio’s family and friends, which allowed them to see Mauricio’s newly recovered mother, Estella, for the first time post-facelift. But more importantly, it gave us the chance to hear Mauricio speaking a few words of his sexy Spanish. Excelente. (And a note to Mauricio: We'll always love you, no matter what color your shoes are.)

Lisa might not be able to push around sassy Kevin Lee, but it’s fun to see her play taskmaster with the other people under her employ, like SUR contractor Wayne. Lisa reminds Wayne who’s boss, criticizing the placement of a door and then mocking him when she says she looks fabulous. Frankly, this is the Lisa we love, one who’s in control and doesn’t take any crap. (But we feel for poor Wayne, since we always want to tell Lisa she looks fabulous.)

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And now it’s time for the (much, much) less pleasant party of the night. As we learned last week, Brandi has foolishly optimistically decided to invite the ladies to her friend’s Malibu pad, and both Taylor and Camille will be in attendance. We see the two limos heading to the party, one with Kyle and Taylor, one with Camille and her friends, and the talk in both limos is about how tense Taylor and Camille are about seeing one another, as Taylor is not yet willing to forgive. Translation: Buckle up!

In the early going at the party, most of the tension is between Kyle and Brandi, who are clearly just too different to ever see eye-to-eye. Right off the bat, Brandi compliments Mauricio, which Kyle tells us that she doesn’t appreciate. Then, when Brandi briefly leaves the room, Camille and Kyle exchange catty remarks about the fact that Brandi’s not wearing a bra. (Aren't those the comments that you're supposed to text to each other silently?)

Then, during a belly-dancing lesson, Kyle takes it up a notch, shining a laser pointer at Brandi’s you-know-what’s. (And why was a laser pointer even there at all? Was someone giving a power-point presentation on how to shake your booty?) So, while we might have found Kyle’s laser-pointer behavior amusing if we were still in fourth grade and we were watching a sex-ed video, that’s not the case here.

What we don’t get is, why did Kyle and Camille even bother coming to Brandi’s party if they were just going to mock her? (You’ll note that Kim and Lisa — neither of whom is on Team Brandi — both stayed home.) Granted, Brandi’s nipples were a little hard (bad choice of words!) to ignore, but being surprised when Brandi does something to flaunt her sexuality is like being surprised when you get this month’s issue of O magazine and Oprah is on the front cover. Some things are just a matter of fact.

Unfortunately, tempers are only now beginning to flare as the wine continued to flow. Taylor makes a comment in Camille’s vicinity about trust, and D.D. says to Camille that she’s “sick of [Taylor’s] s**t.” Uh-oh.

Soon, we see Taylor and D.D. talking, as Taylor explains that she’s still mad at Camille for saying things that could hurt her and her daughter. This seems to mean that Taylor is worried about what Russell will do when he learns that Camille discussed his alleged abuse on camera. D.D. responds that Camille has defended Taylor before, but that Camille this time was up against a wall. And at this, Taylor shouts, “Outside!” and now the discussion has apparently been moved to the backyard.

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And if you thought that the fresh ocean air would calm people down, well, you’re way off. Camille joins D.D. and Taylor outside as more shouting ensues, with Adrienne Maloof trying to separate them. Taylor sits up on a table and yells at D.D. that she doesn’t know how much Camille has hurt her. Meanwhile, the word “stop” is used so many times in the episode (by people trying to break up the fighting) that we thought we were listening to that Supremes song.

Finally, Brandi has had enough, and she makes the surprising decision to ask Taylor to leave the house. We can understand why Brandi would say this, but it comes off as picking sides, and Taylor clearly isn’t thinking rationally to begin with, so things just get worse. Kyle and Taylor yell at Brandi, and both Kyle and Brandi accusing the other of initiating physical contact. Meanwhile, reality-show mainstay Linda Thompson is saying something ridiculous about how the ocean lasts forever. All in all, Kim and Lisa clearly made the right call by staying far, far away from this madness.

Kyle hurriedly escorts Taylor to their limo, where Taylor demands that the limo pull over so that she can find a cigarette lighter. Kyle then tells us that she’s now getting a clearer sense of how much stress Taylor is under, and she realizes Taylor isn’t just reacting like this because of Camille’s behavior. The limo driver doesn’t talk to the camera, but if he had, we’re thinking he would have said something like, “This job doesn’t pay me enough to put up with all this.”

So what exactly do we make of yet another party from hell? Well, we appreciate that D.D. was backing up her friend Camille, but D.D. shouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place. Camille and Taylor should have talked in private. It was great that Taylor and Camille didn’t hash things out at Adrienne’s fashion show last week, so why was it somehow okay to go at it at this particular party?

We could tell from that awkward hug early in the party between Taylor and Camille that they wanted to smooth things over, but the group dynamic made this way too complicated. Oh, and one more thing: Brandi should probably wear a bra at these parties in the future.

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12.6.2011 / 11:24 AM EDT by Ryan Gajewski
Related: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recaps

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