The America's Next Top Model All-Stars finale finally happend! This week, the ladies took their CoverGirl beauty shots, did a photo-shoot for Vogue Italia, and walked down the final runway.... Which had an underwater pool that represented their transformation from model to goddess. We’re applauding you with our minds, Tyra.
And don’t worry, the episode ended the way every episode should: With part two of Tyra’s cinematic interpretation of her best-selling book Modelland.
In lieu of a traditional recap, we’ll be ranking the girls (and the judges — we see you, too!) based
on their performance, quotable-ness, and the general wackiness that makes this show so fun to watch. Check out our ANTM Power Play below, starting with the Top Model fixture who is at the bottom of our list.
Our Ranking Score: 9, Angelea
Rank on the show: DISQUALIFIED
Angelea looked drop-dead gorgeous during her photo-shoot for CoverGirl! She was so Barbie to Jay’s Ken. But then the runway challenge happened and things... deteriorated. Angelea worked her inner hood-bitch hottie, but it’s a little hard to model with raccoon-eye makeup while you’re drowning underwater.
Our poor 716 hit Tyra’s pool of terror and immediately began flailing around (where were the lifeguards?!), but she made it out alive and transformed into a goddess, wowing the crowd with her sashay down the runway. But Angie was acting strange... She was extremely emotional before the runway, and after the show she seemed upset and tearful.
...And then she was disqualified and no-one bothered to tell us why. What the whaaa?
Our Ranking Score: 8, Tyra Banks
Rank on the show: Head judge (un-ranked)
Tyra sure knows how to leave us hanging! We were shocked when she announced that Angelea had been disqualified from the competition, and then didn’t even tell us why! Throw us a bone here, Ty-Ty! We’ve stuck with ANTM for 17 Cycles –– shouldn’t we be in her circle of trust by now?
In other news, Tyra’s back to her old ways: Jumpsuit Fever. We appreciate that she’s returned to her roots, but are the American people ready for an 18th Cycle of romper madness?
Our Ranking Score: 7, Nigel Barker
Rank on the show: Judge and noted fashion photographer (un-ranked)
Nigel Barker fell in love this week! He couldn’t have been more thrilled with Lisa’s commercial for CoverGirl, which was easy, breezy, and beautiful. He even asked her to “read his cards,” which we assume is British for “marry me!”
Our Ranking Score: 6, Allison
Rank on the show: RUNNER-UP!
Things got real this week for Allison. She finally opened up about her dad, who died from cancer last year. Poor Alli-Cat. Allison’s emotional finale story went from bad to worse when she was unable to open her vampire eyes during the CoverGirl shoot, and then Tyra made an intern bleach off her eyebrows....which... we’re still emotionally processing.
Allison did a stellar job during the runway show, neither drowning in Tyra’s swimming pool, nor loosing her wig in a wind tunnel –– but she did flash her panties a few times (Shannon disapproves). Ultimately, Allison didn’t win –– but Creepy Chan will always be no. 1 in our hearts!
Our Ranking Score: 5, Miss Jay
Rank on the show: Judge and famous fashionista (un-ranked)
Uhm... so, Miss Jay was wearing what we think was a bright red toga with a giant metal knight’s mask to the runway show. No explanation, no conversation –– the moment stood for itself. When will this fashionista give the people what they want and start a clothing line?
Our Ranking Score: 4, Half-naked Greek Models In Loin Clothes
You came, you saw, and you conquered.
Our Ranking Score: 3, Jay Manuel
Rank on the show: Director of photo shoots (un-ranked)
After weeks of being forced to sit in the hot sun and watch pretty ladies pour oil and vinegar all over their boobs, Jay was finally allowed on the judges panel. But let’s get to what’s important: His glittered man-toga and matching veil. It’s a nice day for a white wedding, Jay!
Our Ranking Score: 2, Lisa
Rank on the show: WINNER
Flashback time! This week, we were greeted to some adorable photos of Lisa as a little kid, and we also learned that she suffered from abuse during her childhood. Lisa’s definitely bounced back since her troubled past, and her smize looked amazing during the photo-shoot for CoverGirl!
Of course, Lisa wouldn’t be La Puchinetta without a healthy dose of cray-cray. She was put in a wig the color of Tang for the finale, a frightening omen for a runway show full of WTF. First, La Puch got lost in the swimming pool and almost drowned, then she was lifted up in the air and flashed the audience, and then she got her freak on to “Pot Ledom, Woah,” her hit single. How could a performance like that not win?
Our Ranking Score: 1, Andre Leon Talley
Rank on the show: Judge and fashion editor for Vogue (un-ranked)
Andre dressed in his finest for his last appearance on America’s Next Top Model, and it’s only appropriate that he went out with a bang. We’ll miss you Andre, and to show our respect for a season full of sass, spunk and adventurous hats, you’re getting the No.1 spot on our list!
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