Another day, another impossibly tight Hervé Leger dress. The hunky Hamptonites were in fit n’ fine form for this week’s classic takedown episode of Revenge.
Get ready for a game-changer, because things definitely aren’t what they seem, and we’re not just talking about Nolan’s number on the Kinsey scale.
There’s a handsome new face trolling the beaches! Give a warm welcome to Mason Treadwell, The Hampton’s all-star biographer, lover of flamboyant bow-ties and Emily’s public enemy No. 1.
He also happens to be one of Victoria’s many minions, and she wants him to find out why Amanda Clarke is back in town. Turns out Victoria made Mason’s career and he owes her big-time (as she sweetly reminds him over a $10 bottle of Perrier).
After Mason’s reading at a local book store, Emily and Nolan cozy up to him so Nolan can drop some serious hints about Mason writing his biography.
Obviously, Mason chomps at the bit, so Em and Nolan head to his cottage where she finds his auto-biographical manuscript, as well as tons of research tapes about his book on David Clarke.
Our only thought? Has this guy never heard of DVDs?
So why does Emily want to take Mason down? After reading her dad’s diary (Moleskin, naturally), a flashback reveals that Mason had the opportunity to help expose the truth about David, but instead he wrote a book validating the Graysons' lies and casting David as mentally unstable.
Clearly, Mason has to pay for his crimes, so Emily draws a huge X on his face with her trusty permanent marker and heads down to the shooting range with Nolan and Daniel for target practice, where she hits a bull's-eye everytime because she’s OG like that.
Once Daniel skips out, Emily tells Nolan that Mason started out as a mere journalist who went by the name Leo, and that he used to be Team David Clarke before Victoria corrupted him.
Yep, we’re pretty sure Em wants to put a bullet in his brains.
Over on the poor side of town (otherwise known as Montauk), Amanda is desperate to keep Jack interested, so she suggests they take an impromptu trip to Atlantic City. Because Jack and his middle-parted Hugh Grant hair would fit right in amongst a bunch of strippers ....
Obviously, Jack turns his girl down, so she accuses him of crushing on Emily in a fit of jealousy.
Amanda runs away (presumably to watch Coyote Ugly on repeat), and later that night she takes control of the bar and gets all Piper Perabo up in everyone’s grill. You know, just some innocent table-dancing and girl-on-girl make out sessions.
And in case you were wondering if Jack is into watching his girl suck-face with a random townie, the answer is no.
What happened to the good ol’ days of collecting sea shells on the sea shore and hanging out with Labradors? What happened?
Meanwhile, Emily strolls into The Stowaway just in time to see Amanda’s shenanigans. She almost vomits from the overt display of human emotion, and then has a cagey conversation with Amanda about what she should expect during her upcoming interview with Mason.
The next day, Amanda heads to Mason’s house with a mic on her ear so Emily can feed her information. She asks Mason why he never published the truth about her father, and then tells him that he better redeem himself at his upcoming reading or else.
Hmmm, what do you have hiding up those Egyptian cotton sleeves, Emily?
All the Single Ladies
In other news, the Grayson divorce is heating up, and Daniel is determined to get Victoria what she deserves. He quits business school to focus on the company, and decides to move in with his mom so she isn’t all on her lonesome.
Sigh, we always knew that he was a mommy’s boy at heart.
Daniel tries to save face by asking Em if she’ll live with him in the “off season,” but she comes up with some BS about how she wants to be married first.
Ruining lives and killing sea animals is one thing, but living in sin? Thanks, but no.
In other divorce news, Conrad wants to divest Victoria of her stock in Grayson Global, and the key to stopping him is combining Daniel’s trust with Victoria’s so they control the majority of the company.
Unfortunately, Conrad refuses to give Daniel access to his shares unless he’s married.
Daniel heads to the Inn to meet up with his father’s new client, a beautiful temptress named Sofie, who puts the moves on Daniel as soon as she spots his cleft chin.
Daniel picks up on his dad’s sly plan to distract him from Emily, so he decides to ask her to marry him. He’ll get the company and a wife — best of both worlds!
XOXO, Gossip Girl
Over in Montauk, Charlotte is applying to a new prep school, so she and Declan take a road trip to visit the grounds.
When they come back, Declan is clearly jealous of Charlotte’s bright future as a socialite — probably because he’s destined to live a life full of short-sleeved t-shirts and confusing accents.
The next day, Declan falls asleep to some emo ballad with a copy of Paradise Lost on his chest (complete with Cliff's Notes), and Charlotte lovingly removes it with a “Awww, my BF is so adorably stupid” look on her face.
Meanwhile, Jack decides to “loosen up,” so he puts on his best suit, grabs the tip jar and whisks Amanda away to Atlantic City.
Sigh, we’d love to be a fly on the window during that six-hour drive ....
It’s the day of Mason’s reading, and Victoria is less than happy about Daniel’s plan to put a ring on Emily’s finger.
She has Ashley plant a seed of doubt in Em’s mind by telling her Daniel’s plan to propose, but if you think Emily is going to emote anything upon hearing this news, you’d be wrong. She’s... maybe fazed?
Meanwhile, Mason and Victoria talk in hushed voices about Mason’s meeting with Amanda. A flashback shows them coming to an agreement about David Clarke’s story, and it looks like Victoria will ruin his life if he comes out with the truth.
As expected, Mason doesn’t alter his reading, and instead re-affirms David’s guilt — all while wearing a fabulous outfit. Someone is about to be taken down to Chinatown.
Later that night, Nolan takes Mason to dinner to get him out of the way, while Emily skulks into his house wearing a hoodie. You know ish is about to get real if Emily is wearing polyester.
She steals Mason’s stash of tapes, has a tragic flashback about burning a photo of her dad, and then promptly burns down Mason’s house — including his memoirs.
Oh, and then she has crazy sex with Daniel in his pool house. No big deal, just another busy night.
But wait, we’re not done yet! The next morning, Emily pops in one of Mason’s videos and watches an interview of him with her dad.
Turns out that David and Victoria’s relationship was even more intimate than we thought — Charlotte could be Emily’s sister! Oh yes they did!