10. Talk about false advertising. Puck (Mark Salling): This is what we call taking the high road, which I was shocked to find out has nothing to do with marijuana. 9. Hey, why not. Who doesn’t like free candy? Sebastian (Grant Gustin): But if you had a pinata you wanted delivered, I bet he could make sure that got to them.
8. Need to hide your top secret tape recorder? Just ask Santana. Santana (Naya Rivera): This isn’t violent. This is clever. I taped it to my underboob.
7. At Dalton, they probably pipe in fancier air from Europe or something. Sebastian: Is whatever this is going to take long? I can’t stand the stench of public schools.
6. Brittany (Heather Morris) hasn’t gotten around to reading the instruction manual for the door knob. Brittany [about locking the door]: I don’t know how to do that.
5. Are there that many songs about taping stuff to your junk? Santana: If Kurt would have taped this to his junk, I would have never heard the end of it — we would have had a whole week of songs about it. [Editor’s note: See what we mean?]
4. Santana is big on using tattoos as a weapon. Santana: Today is your lucky day, because Auntie Snicks just arrived on the Bitch Town Express. Now, my suggestion is that we drag him bound and gagged to a tattoo parlor for a tramp stamp that reads, “Tips appreciated,” or “Congratulations — you’re my thousandth customer.”
3. Apparently, Puck thinks Blaine comes with hollandaise sauce and an English muffin. Puck: Dude, you told them what we were gonna do — you’re like a modern-day eggs benedict.
2. Kurt (Chris Colfer) is fabulous no matter what he’s wearing. Sebastian: Hey, Kurt — I didn’t recognize you. You are wearing boy clothes for once.
1. Does that mean that Santana is Bitchy Smurf? Santana [to Kurt]: You know what, Prancy Smurf? I respect that — I wanna go to a college that isn’t a FEMA trailer in a prison yard, so let’s take the high road.