1. Snooki, as she says goodbye to her father: “Be safe, drink!” Let’s hope he is heading to a club after visiting the house, and not driving back to Staten Island.
2. Deena, on Jenni’s mood: “She's been having a rough time, but at least she got her hair done.” It’s important to look on the bright side.
3. Vinny, describing a nightclub: “I kinda feel like I'm back in Italy, minus the armpit hair.” Some folks remember Italy for its food and culture, others for the grooming habits of its people.
4. Vinny, attempting to hook up with a lesbian: “When you take a lesbian back to the straight team, it's like Christopher Columbus discovering America.” Yes, Vinny, but only if you force the lesbian to stay on your team and speak your language.
5. Snooki, confused: “In Arkansas, everything is dark out. So, it's dark always.” This might be the harshest hangover documented on film.
6. Vinny: “She doesn't want to be your girl, she wants to be your stalker.” All women have different motivations when it comes to the men of Jersey Shore.
7. Vinny: "We think she snuck a GPS system into Pauly's blow-out.” The stalker’s methods are revealed! She’s also hiding a sandwich in there.
8. Pauly D: "It's a war out there, we're shooting grenades at each other.” Meeting women at bars is just like combat, yo! Exactly the same.
9. Jenni: “How is there a pretzel in my makeup?” Just one of many existential questions the cast must ask themselves daily.
10. Deena: “A leopard never sheds his stripes.” Unless the leopard is some kind of new-fangled Monsanto creation. But Deena is half-right.
Catch the macaroni rascals on a new episode of Jersey Shore on Thursday, February 16 at 10 pm ET/PT on MTV.