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The Bachelor

Ben Flajnik’s Bachelor 16 Blog: My Feelings For Courtney Robertson Are Strong, I Don’t Want “External Forces” To Get In The Way

If you read between the lines of Ben Flajnik's blog — and we always do — it's pretty telling what he focuses on and what he leaves out. For example, one of our big questions after The Bachelor Season 16, Episode 7 was why he chose to eliminate Emily O'Brien when they just had a second individual date that seemed to go well. Why not, say, Nicki Sterling, who only had one date up to that point, or Courtney Robertson, who so many people seem to think is a spider? We like her, though.

Ben doesn't write too much about Emily besides simply expressing his feelings were stronger for Nicki, Courtney, Kacie Boguskie, and Lindzi Cox. He does write about having a real turning point with Lindzi, but he spends most of his time writing about Courtney — her lost "spark" in Belize, their moment of clarity together, how the women seem to dislike her so strongly, and what assuaged his own fears about her. It sounds like he is watching the show back and still siding with Team Courtney because of their strong individual connection.

Credit: ABC via WENN    

A fairytale with Lindzi: "Dinner on the dock with Lindzi was a real turning point. I had never questioned for a moment that Lindzi and I could have fun, but there was always a part of me that wondered if we could really connect on a deeper level. As we talked that night about her family and opened up about our feelings, it was the way she looked into my eyes that told me all I needed to know. Sometimes just the way someone looks at you can let you know that they have let you in. Writing our fairytale together was also something I'll always remember. I've thought about it a lot since then and one thing I learned on this journey is that sometimes in life, you can't wait for a fairytale to happen to you. You have to write your own."

A new hope with Courtney: "I was startled to hear that Courtney had been through so much and to think that she had taken such steps back, emotionally. I wanted to let her know how I felt and that nothing had changed for me and that I had held on to every moment. Thankfully, our conversation brought us right back to where we wanted to be, and as we climbed the steps to the top of the ruins, I felt a new sense of hope. Standing atop the ruins was one of my biggest moments of clarity so far in this journey. Here I was, standing amongst the clouds with an amazing woman. I'd never felt so close to my father and to my happiness. To share this moment with Courtney was really exciting, and I knew if we moved forward that we would always be able to share this moment."

External forces won't change Ben's thoughts about Courtney: "That evening, however, things again got a little strange. It's a tough thing, I understand, for the women to find that fine line between getting along with the other women and realizing that it's hard to be friends with people who are dating the people you are dating. I've been there, and it's tough. I know it's been hard for Courtney, and to be honest, I'm not sure this was the best environment for her. But, just as I tell the women to take our relationships individually, I try to do the same. My feelings for Courtney are strong and I don't want to let external forces get in the way."

The conversation with Courtney: "As the rose ceremony approached, I had a lot going through my head. All the women told me about their reservations regarding Courtney, and I really had to think about what I was missing, or if this was all just part of the nature of the women living together. It's amazing to see how deeply the women felt about their dislike for Courtney, and it's equally amazing not to see any of that coming through in her actions with me. It was a lot to consider, but my conversation with Courtney at the rose ceremony reaffirmed that I have to take these relationships individually and focus on the way she is when she's with me. I see what some of the women were talking about, but I still feel great about Courtney because when I'm with her, I feel really connected to her."

Read Ben’s full blog for more.

Source: People

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02.14.2012 / 11:07 PM EDT by Gina Carbone
Related: The Bachelor, The Bachelorette

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