“Fake Weddings Scare the Sh*t Out of Us!” A Man’s Review of The Bachelor 16 Hometown Dates
Credit: Illustration by Wetpaint Entertainment (Original Source: Ralph Freso/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney)    
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The Bachelor

“Fake Weddings Scare the Sh*t Out of Us!” A Man’s Review of The Bachelor 16 Hometown Dates

When it comes to The Bachelor, both genders would clearly agree that there’s a whole lotta craziness going on. But what do guys notice about Season 16 Bachelor Ben Flajnik’s choices and actions that the rest of us might not? And would all guys act the way Ben does? We need a male perspective!

To figure out what guys think when they watch this show, we’ve asked a male to name the three things he noticed while watching this week’s Episode 8, including the huge error that Kacie made, and the clear way to tell which two girls will be the last two standing.

“Fake Weddings Scare the Sh*t Out of Us!” A Man’s Review of The Bachelor 16 Hometown Dates
Credit: Katherine Bomboy-Thornton/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney    

1. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse than Scrapbook-gate...

Remember in the movie The Departed, when Leo wouldn’t dare reveal that he was a mole for fear that his secret would lead to his life being ruined forever? That’s probably how you should treat the fact that you were in a high-school marching band: Take it to your grave. Seriously.

It’s true that embarrassing childhood photos of you are our second-favorite type of photo of you (do I really need to tell you what #1 is? OK then...), but the fact that you were in marching band is only cute and funny because you aren’t in it now. Don’t make us endure your teenage low-points with you.

Oh, and no guy wants to hear the words “Don’t kiss me,” which Kacie tells Ben before meeting her folks. (She should have come up with a way to compromise on that one.) In fact, the only three words that a guy dreads more than hearing “Don’t kiss me” are the words “Starring Katherine Heigl.”

2. The best way to bond with your dad? A macho game that could cause physical pain.

Ladies, face it: Guys don’t want to meet your dad. Seriously — your dad scares us. We may want to meet your mom because a.) moms bake things and b.) we want to get a sense of how you might look in 20 years (case in point: how smokin’ hot is Kacie’s mom?). But guys would much rather hang out with their buddies than your dad — which is why goofy, desperate-to-fit-in dads like Lindzi Cox’s dad are awesome and the next best thing.

No guy wants to discuss whether he will or won’t live with his girlfriend after getting engaged, but he does want to engage in a macho, Ben Hur-style horse race that could end with both him and the dad getting badly hurt, and that most normal people (read: people without a Y-chromosome) would find extremely childish!

“Fake Weddings Scare the Sh*t Out of Us!” A Man’s Review of The Bachelor 16 Hometown Dates
Credit: Ralph Freso/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney    

3. Even fake weddings scare the sh*t out of us.

What was Courtney Robertson thinking when she forced Ben to endure that “fake wedding” thing? Face it — guys don’t even like the thought of real weddings. (In fact, guys don’t want to have to sit through anything for that much time unless it involves a scoreboard and cheerleaders.) But we’ll endure a real wedding because it has perks, like an open bar and the promise of a honeymoon.

But a wedding that’s “just for fun”? That’s like saying, “Hey, honey — let’s go down to the nearest car dealership, and we can spend the afternoon test-driving cars and haggling with salespeople, and then we’ll spend hours signing paperwork and crunching financial figures — but then we won’t actually get a car! We’ll just take the bus home. Sounds good, right?”

And did anyone else notice that Courtney inadvertently plagiarized a line of her vows from the Bob Marley song, “Is This Love”? She tells Ben, “I want to love you and treat you right, every day and every night,” which is basically the first line of the song verbatim. (Lady editor’s note: No, we didn’t. We were too busy comparing it to a speech Carrie gave in Sex and the City. Go figure.)

Speaking of Courtney, she’s usually the only person whom Ben kisses with his hands touching her face. This week, however, both Courtney and Lindzi got that treatment, which means they’re both clearly going to be in the Final Two. (Sorry.... um, sweet, hot divorced lady whose name I keep forgetting because, frankly, I keep forgetting you're there.)

Need your daily dose of The Bachelor? Like us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter. After all, you’d get our final rose.

02.23.2012 / 04:20 AM EDT by Ryan Gajewski
Related: The Bachelor, Gossip, The Bachelorette

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