Gossip Girl Recap of Season 5, Episode 17: “The Princess Dowry” — Blair Gives Away Her Heart (Again)
Allow us a moment to gather our wits — we're still recovering from the excitement of that amazing, amaaazing Dair kiss that capped off one crazy, craaazy ep of Gossip Girl. We’ve been going from "Eeee!" to "OMG!" to straight-up fanning ourselves, and then back again. So much went down tonight, but with an ending like that... Well, what else really matters? (Chuck's heart? Oh, you Chair 'shippers... We love you.)
Okay, okay, let's recap! Hurricane Georgina was one helluva storm.
In the wake of CeCe's (Caroline Lagerfelt) death, the remaining members of the Rhodes/van der Woodsen clan discover that their controlling matriarch has planned every element of her death. Somehow, there’s even a wake already taking place at Lily (Kelly Rutherford) and Rufus's (Matthew Settle) pad. (Um, who let them in?) They run home to find a good ol' fashioned Irish party going on, complete with tunes aplenty. In a word: horror. Lily’s terrified, but the day gets even worse when her ex-hubby strolls in and announces that he’s the executor of CeCe’s will. Man, this lady can throw a curveball, even from the other side.
As the rest of the gang gathers to remember CeCe (and fight over her money), Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg) shows up as Ivy’s (Kaylee DeFer) plus-one. Of course, she has an evil plan. She weaves a complex web that involves teaming up with Estee, the royal minder, and pitting Dan (Penn Badgley) and Chuck (Ed Westwick) against each other. First, Estee convinces Blair (Leighton Meester) that Louis (Hugo Becker) may be willing to annul their marriage so that he can be with her instead, but Blair would have to agree to keep her trap shut and stay out of the press.
Naturally, it’s impossible to stay off of Gossip Girl, especially when the second part of Georgina’s scheme involves pushing Chuck’s buttons. He’s so furious that Dan framed him with the wedding video that he outs him as the true sender. Still, Blair’s kind of “oh, whatever” about it, so he ups the antes by conspiring with Georgina to leak the Dair V-Day kiss photo and to make it look like Dan did it. Sadly (if you’re a Chair fan anyway), he just shoots himself in the foot because it gives the royals grounds to collect the dowry. Whoops.
Along with the rest of her dirty work, Georgina manages to gain serious intel. Chief among it? Oh, just a lil' secret that Carol has stashed away about who her baby daddy is. Turns out the super sketch William van der Woodsen is Lola’s (Ella Rae Peck) dad. That's right — Serena (Blake Lively) and Lola might be cousins and half-sisters! And she thought the last couple of weeks were confusing...
Carol drops the bomb on William because she's feeling huffy about being cut out of CeCe's will completely. While we could have told her to expect that, we didn’t realize that CeCe would leave almost everything else to the UES’s most infamous imposter, Ivy Dickens. Yes, Ivy, not Charlie. Somehow, CeCe knew her true identity! The whole family’s up in arms, but Carol’s more desperate than anyone.
Meanwhile, poor Lola’s flip-flopping on wanting to know her family about a zillion times. She’s pretty traumatized by all the fighting, so she eventually takes off with Nate (Chace Crawford). But not before trying to get some answers from William — at Georgina’s urging of course. After he finds out he could be her pops, he calls her up to arrange a meeting. Of course, she has no idea why. At least she’s got Nate to be in the dark with her! (Pun intended.)
Back at Lily and Rufus’s, Ivy "I really just loved CeCe and don't care about the money" Dickens kicks her once stand-in parents out. Ouch. Who knew CeCe owned their penthouse? They’ve got no choice but to pack up their bags and head to Brooklyn because it's now hers, according to the will. (Hope you packed up your sizeable jewelry collection in one of them bags, Lil — we're not so sure this girl is on the up-and-up!)
As for other people backed into a corner, Blair has to (shudder) team up with Georgina. The soon-to-be ex-princess gives the troublemaker her word that she’ll do a TBD favor for her if she can work out this whole dowry mess. Ruh roh! And as Georgina gets ready to book it to Monaco, she sends her hubby/errand boy, Phillip, on an' errand: He's to deliver her GG laptop to a certain blond bombshell blogger by the name of... Serena van der Woodsen. (Called it!)
But that’s not the end of the action-packed hour. Oh, no. First, Chuck has his heart broken, and Dan’s dreams come true. After all of Chuck’s attempts to tarnish Humphrey’s rep, Blair just tells him he needs to get a new hobby and leave DanHump outta his schemin'! Poor Chuck gets the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you line.” Sniff.
Now single(ish), Blair braves Brooklyn to go to Casa Humphrey. He’s prepared to get yelled at, but instead she informs him that Chuck no longer has her heart... dun dun dunnn... BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE HAS IT NOW! Yes, it’s true. That someone has bad hair and a perpetual five o’clock shadow. His name may just rhyme with Schman SchMumphrey.
Yayyyy! Dair kiss! And it’s a good one too (The best Dair kiss yet?), but with his dad and stepmom on their way back, it may be time to tone it down. But once more for the road: Yayyyy!