3 Straight-to-Video Movies the Olsens Need to Make Before Ashley Retires From Acting
Much like M.C. Hammer, the Olsen twins have been around the world, from London to the Bay. Many of their travels have been documented in direct-to-video flicks that kept us entertained as they found boys and trouble in far-off places like Italy (When in Rome), France (Passport to Paris), and Australia (Our Lips Are Sealed). Ever since New York Minute, we’ve been eagerly awaiting their next adventure film, but Ashley Olsen dashed our hopes when she recently told Elle UK that she’s done with acting.
“I don't like to be the center of attention anymore,” she explained.
This is devastating, but we implore Ashley and her twin sister Mary-Kate to give us a little time to adjust by putting out just a few more movies for us to cherish forever. Here are our pitches:
Bye-Bye, Mumbai Sisters Claire and Diane are out-of-work Hollywood movie stars. The former child stars can’t get a role to save their lives. No problem! Bollywood wants to cast them in their latest musical, America!Reluctant at first, the starlets agree that they have nothing to lose. Claire is nearly mugged in a deserted alley, but a Rickshaw wallah named Arun saves her. They have a fun montage where he shows her the real Mumbai, but will his family accept her? Meanwhile, Diane clashes with one of the film’s stars, Chad. Both find each other insufferable — or is that irresistible?
Puck You After a night of partying, down-on-her-luck billionairess Candy finds she’s won a professional hockey team in a poker game. Too bad she’s never seen a game. What she needs to do is call her estranged sister Maggie, who’s played the sport all her life. The twins once had a falling out — over what is a big reveal in the movie — but Maggie ends up coming to her sis’s rescue. And she needs the help: The team is a wreck; in-fighting and lack of solid coaching caused team to lose every gave last season. Maggie takes the players, and a pouty Candy, to visit her old coach in Russia, who teaches them lessons not only about hockey but about life. Can the girls pull off a miracle and lead their team to victory? (Why does this sound like Mighty Ducks? Shh, it is, but with the Olsens instead of Emilio Estevez.) Oh, and as for romance, let’s say Candy falls for the irascible forward, Marcos, while Maggie clashes with the trainer, Dmitri, until the final scene where they kiss on the ice.
Tokyo Takedown Melba is a high-powered executive running things for her company’s incompetent CEO. Suddenly, a merger threatens the operations, and Melba is transferred to Tokyo to try and smooth things over. Unfortunately, Melba doesn’t speak a word of Japanese! Her twin sister Ezzie — a pop singer — has been living there for two years and is sick of the lifestyle. The two decide to swap lives for a week, to see how the other half lives. But then Ezzie’s friend Rocko, a karaoke host, gets kidnapped and the twins have to solve the crime. How can they balance their busy working lives and be sleuths at the same time? Plus, Ezzie’s boyfriend, Nick, becomes suspicious when Melba avoids him so as to not kiss her sister’s guy. In the end, Melba falls for Rocko (whom they rescue after discovering he was taken by a rival karaoke host), and Ezzie and Nick’s relationship is stronger than ever. Aww.