Top 11 Damon Snarks from The Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 16, “1912”
Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “1912.”
11. A little acknowledgment please.. Damon: I saved your life last night. You’re welcome.
10. Be careful what you ask for Damon: I guess I could rip out Dr. False Accusation’s throat. Maybe her tongue. You know I could chew it up into little tiny pieces and feed it to the squirrels. Elena: Stop it Damon. Damon: Guess me staying out of it sounds like a good idea. Doesn’t it?
9. Back to normal? Damon: I’m mean. You hate me. The earth is back on its axis.
8. Let’s do the time warp again Damon: Nineteen-twelve: Or, as I like to call it. The last time Mystic Falls had a serial killer on its hands.
7. Who you callin’ a devil? Damon (about Rebekah): Ooh. She-devil. Nine o’clock.
6. Post-coital diss Damon: You know you don’t have to disguise your true motives. If you want more sex, just ask for it. Rebekah: Not enough liquor in the world. Damon: Ah, it was too good for you to be this hostile.
5. Meet my brother, the addict Damon: You’ll have to excuse my little brother. He’s jonesing for some O positive.
4. Boys Night Out Damon: Easy there lushy pants. It’s been a hoot and a half. But it’s boys’ night and you weren’t invited.
3. Can you buy that cleanse at Walgreens? Rebekah: Why are you so grumpy? Damon: He’s on a master cleanse, trying to be a better man and all. Rebekah (to Stefan): You know you were a lot more fun in the ‘20s. Damon: Don’t rile him up. He’s testy when he’s being self-righteous. Stefan: I’m not being self-righteous Damon. I’m just not interested in slaughtering innocent human beings anymore. Damon: Fair enough. My mistake. You used to be self-righteous.
2. Tough love Damon (to Stefan): You’re not going to survive this cold turkey stuff. You never do.
1. He is his brother’s keeper Damon: Whenever you go too far I will be there to pull you back. Every second. Every day until you don’t need me. Stefan: Why? Damon: Because right now you’re all I got.
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