Millions of babies have been born since Secret Life was last on the air, and it's time for them to be initiated into a world of drama, hair gel and sausage.
Welcome to Grant High, where the men are hunky and the women are fertile!
A Very Long Engagement
Last time we visited Ricky's bachelor pad, it was a hot zone of meat sauce and lacy curtains, but now Ricky's engaged and it's time to make changes.
Surprisingly, the Rickster is more eager than ever to make it official with Amy, and he wants to pin down a date for the wedding.
The problem? Amy wants to wait and get hitched after summer school, but Ricky's worried her giant rock will attract other dudes. 'Cause there's nothing hotter than an engaged teen mom, right boys?
But maybe Ricky has a point. Rumor has it that his foster brother from another mother will be in summer school, and Amy's in charge of "keeping an eye on him." Uh oh ....
Meanwhile, the parental units are divided on how soon Ramy should get married. George can't wait for them to walk down the aisle, but Anne doesn't think Ames should say "I do" at all.
In fact, the very thought has thrown her bangs-first into some kind of mid-life crisis, and we're worried she's going to pull an Ashley Juergens and ditch Preggers City for good.
Speaking of Ash, home girl is back from her road trip to nowhere, and we're happy to report that she is neither dead, homeless, or pregnant. But she did get into college one year ahead of her class!
By the way, can we just take a moment to say that Ricky is looking even more studly than usual? Commitment does wonders for his hair coif.
She's So Hiiiiiiiiighhh
Over in Sausage City, Alice visits Ben and drops the bomb that Henry and Adrian sexed each other during the graduation party. Obviously, Ben goes into a blind rage, forgets that he has a date with Dylan, and cuts ties with Henry forever.
Meanwhile, Dylan is peeved that Ben forgot about their hang session, so she and her besties head over to Ben's place and proceed to get high on weed.
Don't worry, Ben doesn't partake — he reserves that kind of behavior for his teddy bear.
While Ben and his blazed buddies chillax, HRH The Sausage King and Dylan's overly-protective parents charge into the bedroom, and immediately realize something's amiss.
Ben takes the fall for Dylan and claims he scored pot at the graduation party, but let's just say Leo doesn't look pleased. Cue jazzy yet ominous piano music!
In other news, Lauren is furious at Madison for sleeping with Jesse and his cockatoo. When Madison comes over to her bestie's house to say sorry, Lauren shoots her down and says they can never be friends again.
Sigh, at least Mads has Henry. Their plan? To be social outcasts at summer school together.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
So, it turns out that Adrian is just as crazy as usual. She's stalker-style obsessed with Omar (to the point where he's blocked her from his cellie), but she also has a crush on his brother, Dante. And yes — she's still married to Ben.
Meanwhile, Grace regrets cheating on Daniel with Jack, and decides she's in love with both of them. Unfortch, Daniel's ex-girlfriend sends him picture of Grace and Jack kissing, and he promptly breaks up with her. Sob!
So, what are two lonely gals to do? Move in with each other, obvs!
Adrian and Grace ask Kathleen to let them shack up in Adrian's apartment while they're in summer school, and it looks like she'll say yes — as long as they promise to "swear off boys."