If you thought the situation at Grant High had reached its dramatic peak, think again. Summer school makes the Secret Life editors do crazy things, like put actual music in their montage scenes. We'll miss you, jazzy piano notes.
After weeks of flirting and smoking secret tokes, Ben and Dylan are finally going on a date together — and OMG we've never seen a boy preen in front a mirror for so long. Dylan must be really special!
But is this goody-two-shoes virgin really the right gal for Ben? First of all, she's a vegetarian (wtf, don't you know what show you're on?), and second of all, she has a jealous streak.
When Ben takes Dylan to the same restaurant he took Amy and Adrian to, she gets all up in his face about his past relationships. This is what you get for dating a two-time teenage divorcé, girl.
Ben's bride-to-be (come on, it's inevitable) is desperate to win him over, so she insists on a trip to the sausage shop and proceeds to jam her tongue down his throat. Unfortunately, their sexy antics wake up Ricky, who reveals that Ben is a twice-married sex addict. Meh, what's not to love?
Meanwhile, Leo and his smokin' secretary, Camille, are officially a couple, but is Betty really ready to let her ex-hubby go?
It looks like this former hooker has a taste for Italian sausage, so Camille distracts Leo by saying she wants to make tons of mini sausage princes.
Wait, someone on this show wants to get pregnant voluntarily? Spooky.
My Boyfriend's Back
Let's talk about Grace, because honestly? We're worried.
Poor girl is in a deep depression about the arrival of her brother-from-another-mother, and even Girl Scout cookies aren't going to pull her out of this funk.
Grace can usually count on her weekly strip sessions with Adrian to get her through the rough times, but Adrian's being less than supportive about the Jacob sitch — mostly because Grace keeps calling it a tragedy (which it most definitely is not!).
Luckily, Grace has Jack's ever-present beefy shoulder to cry on. Seriously, this dude would do anything if it meant breathing in a whiff of Grace's hair instead of whispering sweet nothings to his football, and luckily she's finally up for being friends with bennies. Sexy spanking? Check!
In other news, remember Tom? Grace's other kinda-sorta brother who lives in the garage with his kinda-sorta girlfriend and her troop of kiddos?
In the words of Clueless, Tom's a "virgin who can't drive," and he gets arrested for wandering around town without a license when he tries to give Jacob a ride to Grace's condo.
Time to check in on Amy and her bangs of beauty! Girl is cattier than ever, and at this point we're convinced that babies have taken over her uterus.
What happened to the adorable high school sweetheart we used to know and love?
Amy offends Grace when she talks about Jacob at school, and makes the situation even worse when she mentions that George and Kathleen totally have the hots for each other (Kathleen even wants to end her marriage to Jeff!).
Sigh, looks like Grace and Ames might be sister-sister before we know it!
But wait — we have a feeling there's trouble in paradise for Ricky and Amy, especially when she refuses to set a date for the wedding!
Amy admits that she's embarrassed about the prospect of being a teen bride, and it appears that she has a mild case of the wedding blues — but don't worry, Ricky understands. Swoon, he's so wise and sensitive.
Meanwhile, Adrian is thrown for a churro-y loop when her divorce papers come in the mail, and she takes it out on her hunky boyfriend, Omar.
It looks like this gal is experiencing residual feelings for Ben (even though she admits they aren't meant to be), and she's filled with regret.
Uh oh, watch out Dylan — Crazy Adrian and her churros are back and ready to attack.