Bones Recap for Season 7, Episode 12, “The Suit On The Set”: The Bone of Contention
Time to slip on some Loubies and inject a quick squirt of Botox into your forehead, because Bones is taking a trip to Hollywood! This week, our favorite crime stoppers and their fellow nerds leave the mean streets of Washington, DC,for a vaycay in sunny California, where Brennan's (Emily Deschanel) book Bone of Contention is made into a movie! With a title like that, how can you go wrong? Answer: You can't.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
You guys, Brennan is such a renaissance woman. Not only is she a bone-a-fied forensic scientist (see what we did there?) who just gave birth to an angel-baby, she's also a massively successful novelist! In case you forgot, Brennan spends her free time penning erotic fan fiction about her own life, and now her words of wisdom are finally coming to the big screen. Of course Brens can't trust a bunch of plebes with her brainchild (not to be confused with her actual child, Christine), so she and Booth head to the west coast to oversee her movie!
Oh, by the way — did we mention that Bone of Contention is hilariously B-list and features CGI effects that look like they were made with Geocities? Despite this amazing fact, Brennan's less than thrilled about the film's scientific inaccuracies, which are all over the place thanks to her arch nemesis, Doug The Podiatrist. But there's no time to worry about nerdy jargon — a dead body is found on set, which promptly causes Brennan's onscreen alter ego, "Kathy Reichs" (aka the real-world author of Bones) to pass out in disgust. Sigh, amatuer hour.
And no, Brennan does not take off her trench coat during this episode. Just because she's in California, doesn't mean she's turning into a total hippie. Exposed shoulders are a gateway drug to tie-dye.
Dream of Californication
Take one guess as to how Brennan reacts when she learns about the dead bag o' bones on set. Home girl is practically salivating from excitement, and she convinces Booth (David Boreanaz) to take on the case so she can fondle remains (dream job!). Luckily, Brennan has her foot-fetishist buddy, Doug, to lend a hand, and together they determine that the victim was a male in his mid-forties who died from a punctured aorta. Even better? Hodgins' on-screen alter ego "Dr. Yeager" has a doctorate in microbiology, and he's all about getting his hands dirty! No, literally. There is blood and goo all up in this joint.
As Booth and Brennan wander around the studio and nerd out over foliage (trees in the shape of bart Simpson? We do!), Angela (Michaela Conlin) IDs the victim as Hanson Stevens, the head of the studio making Brennan's film. B&B do their usual round of interviews, turn down some wheat grass from Hanson's assistant, and end up at the "bungalow" of Liam Tonyon — the noob who re-wrote Brennan's script! Meanwhile at The Jeffersonian, Hodgins (TJ Thyne) is suffering from a major case of jellies over Dr. Yeager's work on Brennan's Great American Novel. Dude just wants to take his chintee to Hollywood and let it shine! Luckily, Hodgins and his doppleganger bond over the fact that the victim was killed near brass — and bonus: There are blood stains on Liam's sprinkler.
In other news, Booth is having another identity crisis. After a former FBI Agent tells him how great LA is for families (please, Baby Christine and smog? Do not want), he's all a flutter about whether or not they should move beachside. Clearly, Booth needs to hear the soothing words of his prepubescent mentor, Dr. Sweets (John Francis Daley), so they chat online until Booth's alter ego, Blaine (aka Special Agent Andy Lister) busts in unleashes his inner fangirl all over the place. Dude even wears a "kooky" belt buckle. Stan alert!
Despite the fact that Liam's a total creeper, he has an alibi — so Booth hits up Bone Of Contention's biggest star, "Dr. Kathy Reichs" and finds out that she was doing the dirty with Hanson! Well, Hanson and a few other peeps. Sigh, Hollywood.
Meanwhile, Brennan and Doug start a lovable competition about who can solve the murder first, and Doug invents a robotic suit that can mimic the height, bone structure, and weight distribution of the victim. Apparently, this bad boy determines that the vic was was run over by a small car and knocked into Liam's brass sprinkler, and it's just like: Science.
Turns out the vehicle size almost-perfectly matches a car belonging to Mandy Oh — Bone of Contention's eager to please executive producer. Unfortunately, the leaves attached to Mandy's sweet wheels don't match the grass stains on Hanson's body, but don't worry everyone — Cam (Tamara Taylor) is on the case. She and Angela locate info on Hanson's phone and realize he was spying on Jocco, Bone Of Contention's Chuck Bass-ish director!
Of course, like Chuck Bass, Jocco has rage issues (no one understands his hotness), so he throws a water bottle at Booth and tries to run away while being handcuffed — but stop everything, because this is yet another false alarm. Jocco didn't kill anyone! Chuck Bass loves all creatures great and small — which leaves the studio's semi-psychotic hedge cutter as the primary suspect. That's right, this lady flipped her ish when Hanson messed with her sculpture, and killed him in a hedge-clipping frenzy. Sounds brutal, but the silver-lining? The Jeffersonian gang get to be in Brennan's movie as a reward for their murder solving skills! Really, it's a win-win.
In other news, it's time to jaw-drop! Turns out Dr. Yeager knew Cam from starring in a B-list movie called Invasion Of The Mothersuckers, wherein she rocked a truly epic afro and popped a fang erection. Oh, and don't worry — Booth and Brennan aren't moving to California any time soon. Who else would mercilessly tease Cam?