True Blood's full trailer for Season 5 definitely got our blood pumping, and we mean that in the most delicious way possible.
Not only were fans treated to over a minute of non-stop truebie action, we actually got some valuable insight on the upcoming season. For example, Sookie will spend mass amounts of time crying into her lank hair. Sounds like a blast!
Check out five things we learned from the full season 5 trailer, and make sure to pound a few O-Negs while reading this bad boy.
1. Hoyt Is (Maybe) A Vampire!
3. Jason and Jessica Are Still Doing It!
Hoyt was barely featured in the promo, but when his face did pop up for a millisecond we were horrified. Let's just say dude did not look good.
We're used to Hoyt being fresh-faced and full of Bud Light, but in this brief clip he was gaunt, sallow, and wearing eye-makeup. As far as we can tell, there are two options: A) Hoyt has morphed into a 13-year-old and now shops at Hot Topic. B) Hoyt turned into a vampire.
2. Pam and Eric Have (or Had) Sex!
Our semi-incestual dreams are finally coming true. After years of wondering why Pam and Eric haven't fangbanged in their sex chamber, we caught a quick glimpse of them in bed together!
Now, this could just be a flashback to the days when Pam was a old timey prostitute, but whatevs. As long as we get to hear Eric whisper sweet Nordic nothings in his kiddo's ear, we're good to go.
Last time we checked in on Jason and Jessica, they were indulging in erotic Little Red Riding Hood fantasies and arousing pervy housewives the world over.
Of course, Jess made a point to tell Jason that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend –– but it looks like she's had a change of heart.
These two were seen canoodling on multiple occasions during the promo, and at one point they were hooking up at a circus. Yes, a circus!
4. Bill and Eric Are Using Sookie
Remember when Bill and Eric popped fangs at the mere thought of Sookie's booty shorts? My, my how times have changed.
Now our main men only have eyes for each other, and they want to use their fairy princess against her will in order to take down The Authority.
That's what you get for breaking up with two of the most perfect men in the history of television, Sookie. You fool.
And yes, we just called Bill "perfect." Our passion for this season is clearly clouding our judgement.
5. This Season Will Be Flashback City
We love nothing more than a True Blood flashback, especially when said flashback involves Eric in a top hat. As far as we can tell, we'll be taking a trip down memory lane to the first time Eric met Pam, Terry's experience during the Iraq War, and fairy world.
But more importantly, we might just reacquaint ourselves with our best friend Hard Hearted Hannah. Miss you, girl!