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The Bachelorette

Bachelorette 2012, Episode 3: The Cry Count Breakdown

Early on in Emily Maynard’s Bachelorette season we were warned there would be tears, but could anyone truly prepare for the deluge of dignity-robbing, teary-eyed sobs we’d encounter in just the first few episodes? At this rate, we’re stocking up on waterproof mascara ASAP.

To chart the infinite sadness, we’re breaking down and sizing up every tear shed on The Bachelorette this season.

Emily scales a 60-foot building, gets freaked out.
When Emily says she’s hoping she can repel the side of a museum and not “cry like a baby,” those hopes are dashed when a storm rolls through and shakes her confidence. Even though we don’t actually see the tears flow, her voice cracks momentarily — girlfriend did have some hair out of place for like 30 seconds.
Sob Scale: 1 Tissue

Emily is moved by Doug’s tragic backstory
Doug Clerget’s story of his Dad’s untimely death and tumultuous childhood brought Emily and us to tears. Ever-reserved, she simply dabs her makeup and says, “My gosh” — meanwhile, when Doug reveals that he and his sister were separated in foster care after his dad died so they could have groceries, we ugly-cry uncontrollably whilst hugging a body pillow.
Sob Scale: 4 Tissues (3 Tissues + 1 for Emily’s makeup)

Tony misses his son in a big way, becomes insufferable
The saga of watching Tony Pieper grapple with missing his 5-year old son begins with the adorable mispronunciation of “Nerf Caroline” and ends with him becoming an intolerable sad sack. Understandably, Emily’s not feeling it and Tony’s falling apart, so she literally puts him out of his misery. Before he’s set free, Tony logs in on-air tears with Emily, Doug and then alone in an alley. We kinda hope his son never sees this footage.
Sob Scale: 2 Tissues (3 Tissues – 1 Tissue for eating into valuable Emily-Arie makeout screen-time)

Emily meets Dolly Parton
Emily begins to genuinely emote when she’s surprised and serenaded by her idol Dolly Parton! Lordy, we’d cry, too.
Sob Scale: 1 Tissue

Total Cry Count: 6
Total Tissues: 8

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05.30.2012 / 01:34 AM EDT by Daynah Burnett
Related: The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard, The Bachelor, Tony Pieper, Doug Clerget

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