Getting Ready For True Blood Season 5: Where Did the Characters Leave Off?
It's T-minus a few days until True Blood premieres on HBO, and just in case you didn't spend this past year marathoning seasons 1-4, it might be time for a refresher.
Catch up with your favorite pack of Bon Temps' supernaturals before June 10!
Sookie: We're starting to think Sookie is a gap-toothed, hillbilly version of The Grim Reaper. How else do you explain the fact that everyone around her dies, and she has a fetish for graveyard sex? Last time we checked on The Sookster, Tara's brain had exploded all over her kitchen, she had shot Debbie in the face, and she had just broken up with both her boyfriends. Someone needs to buy this girl a scythe.
Eric: Eric lost his memory for most of season 4, rendering him completely emo and slightly simple-minded. During this time, he developed a steamy relationship with Sookie, but sadly, she broke up with him as soon as his memory came back. Now Eric's so bummed that we're pretty sure he's becoming friends with Bill!
Bill: Remember back in the day when Bill was a linen pants-wearing beauty queen and we didn't make fun of his accent? Now he's the cashmere-wearing "King" of Louisiana, who spends most of his time crying bloody tears and having sex with his granddaughter. Things aren't looking good, especially because Bill capped off season 4 by killing Nan Flanagan.
Jason: Jason had a pretty great season of being shirtless, drinking beer, and having sex with vampires in the back of his truck. Not only did he break up Hoyt and Jessica's perfect relationship with his irresistible good looks and charm, it looks like he and Jess might be in lust. The problem? Jason received an unwelcome visit from Reverend Newlin ... who happens to be a vampire baby. Uh oh!
Tara: Ummm ... how to put this. Dead. So very, very dead. Poor Tara was shot in the head by Debbie, who was clearly letting out some anger about the state of Tara's wardrobe. Just kidding, Debbie was just trying to kill Sookie, much like everyone else in Bon Temps. But even if Tara is dead, this is Bon Temps ... nobody's ever really dead.
Lafayette: Sob, Lala! Our favorite chef / inventor of the "AIDS burger" is a broken man. Poor dude was inhabited by all kinds of bad juju ghosts during season 4, and was eventually possessed by Marnie, who used Lala's body to kill Jesus! That's right, Lafayette's one truebie love is no more — despite being briefly resurrected. Typical.
Jessica: Jessica really "found herself" during season 4, by which we mean she started dressing up as an 18th century village whore and wandering the streets of Bon Temps fangbanging randos. Jessica's mid-life vamp crisis prompted her to breakup with Hoyt and hookup with Jason, an act of betrayal that we're still recovering from!
Alcide: This freshly-waxed werewolf finally declared his love for Sookie at the end of season 4, and then celebrated by murdering his archnemesis, Marcus, as punishment for sleeping with Debbie. Eh, the uszh.
Sam: Sam used to be so sweet and innocent with his Levi jeans and middle-parted hair flop. Then we watched him feed his parents to alligators, and things just haven't been the same. Most recently, Sam aided and abetted in the murder of Marcus, Luna's baby daddy. He and Luna are still going strong, but is killing her ex really going to win him stepdaddy points? Not so much.
Pam: We're used to seeing Pam dripping in Chanel and Tiffany, but she spent most of last season hiding her pretty face behind a beekeeper's hat. You know, because her skin was rotting. Luckily, Pam looked hotter than hot during the season finale, but then Eric disowned her after she tried to kill Sookie with a bazooka.