The Bachelorette Recap: Emily and Jef’s Fairy Tale Begins in England
Welcome to London, the most romantic city in the world! This week, Emily Maynard and her suitors take England by storm and re-enact scenes from Romeo and Juliet (you can guess how that turns out), but The Bachelorette isn't all fun and games, y’all blokes.
One of Emily's disciples pulls a Judas and is kicked out of her brothel before the rose ceremony...but it's ok, 'cause Emily lets off steam by macking on not one, but four of her boys. Phew, crisis averted.
Praise Baby Ricki, it's finally time for Emily to have her much-anticipated one-on-one date with Sean's six-pack. Emily takes her southern suitor on a tour of London Town, where they ride around on their very own double-decker bus, mingle amongst the peasants, and shout "Hello London" at no one in particular. Emily also drags Sean to Buckingham Palace to see the historic balcony where William and Kate shared their first kiss as a married couple, and they recreate the scene with a tender smooch!
After getting their tourist on and picnicking at the park (sorry, the green), Sean professes his feelings for Emily on "Speaker's Corner," and then they head to The Tower of London. ABC proceeds to lock Emily and Sean up for a candlelit dinner, where they real talk about love and fail to mention the fact that Chris Harrison might be plotting their doom.
So, does Sean get the rose? You betcha! He and Emily have tons in common, and Emily is so overwhelmed by his charming desire to pop out babies that her voice gets all deep and husky. No seriously, someone hand this gal an Airborne.
Wherefore art thou, theater nerds? There's nothing more romantic than Shakespeare + public humiliation, so Emily and her homies head down to Stratford-upon-Avon to act out scenes from Romeo and Juliet, aka the most depressing love story of all time. Sigh, you've done it again, Chris Harrison.
Unfortunately, what's supposed to be a fun day of thespianism turns into an identity crisis for Arie and Doug, who have to tap into their inner feminists and dress up as nurses — complete with braided Katniss hair. That's right, meet Ariel, Arie's sexually ambivalent alter ego. Don't mind if we do!
Meanwhile, the rest of the fellas have a blast acting out scenes with Emily — especially Travis and Ryan — who sneaks in his very first kiss with Em while playing the part of Romeo! Then there's Kalon, who's so crazy/obsessed with his role that he rejects Emily completely. Let the man act, god Emily, don't you understand art?
After a slightly embarrassing day (none of these boys will go on to be actors, just saying), Emily and the gang head to a local pub where they drink brews, and Emily makes out with Arie and gets a beautiful necklace from Ryan! Unfortunately, ish gets real when Doug comes clean about some blasphemous comments Kalon has been making about Ricki — namely that she's baggage. Woah there, Kalzone.
Emily suffers a mini-mental breakdown and says she wants to "rip Kalon's limbs off and beat him with them," so yeah. Suffice to say he's outtie right then and there, and Em is so bummed that she decides not to give out a rose. That's right, all of you must be punished for Kalon's crimes.
The moment we've been waiting for has finally arrived: Emily is going on a date with Jef's hair coif! This romantic night is the perfect antidote to an otherwise stressful week of betrayal and excommunication from The Church Of Chris Harrison, so let's get the party started. First, Emily and Jef head to etiquette lessons and learn how to have a proper English tea, and obviously Jef + crumpets = completely adorable.
Unfortunately, tea-time isn't the best place for Em and Jef to get their mack on, so they head to a local pub and fall in love over some fish and chips. These two chat about everything under the sun (from Ricki, to Chloe handbags, to how Ricki is, in fact, a Chloe handbag), and then they head to The London Eye! Which is basically like The Eye of Mordor, only a ferris wheel.
Emily and Jef binge eat some desert on ye old eye of London, talk about their mutual love for dance parties and babies — and then they finally make out! And duh he gets the rose, how can you even ask?
It's time for The Rose Ceremony, where Emily partakes in her customary mating rituals while downing copious amounts of white wine. First up is Ryan, who sticks Emily on a balcony and then re-enacts a scene from Romeo and Juliet, which shockingly inspires Emily to kiss him. Sigh, she must be high on the fumes from Jef's hair gel.
But enough about Ryan, it's time for Emily to get her interrogation on. Home girl is majorly peeved that none of her suitors told her about Kalon's betrayal, so she grills each and every one of them to find out who has her back. Apparently, Emily is less than impressed by poor Alejandro the mushroom farmer, because he is deflowered and left alone with his Shitakis. We'll miss you, buddy!