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Secret Life of the American Teenager

Secret Life of the American Teenager Recap of Season 5, Episode 2: “Shotgun”

Another day, another child bride. Secret Life's most sausagey couple have finally tied the knot — but now what? Will Amy and Ricky live happily ever after, or will their marriage be the catalyst for an amazing season of WTF glory and bacon grease? Who knows, but now we're hungry for sausage. Damn you, Leo!

The Honeymooners

Here comes the bride! Everyone give a warm welcome back to Ricky and Amy, Secret Life's newest set of married teenagers. Sigh, two weddings before graduation? Cyber high five, Amy! The happy couple wake up the morning after their wedding and couldn't be more blissed-out, but reality awaits them, and by "reality" we mean a bunch of sausage fiends.

Unfortunately, the parental units are less than thrilled about Amy and Ricky's off-white wedding because none of them were invited, so they hunker down at the Juergens' house and wait for the kiddos to make their triumphant return.

When Ramy finally do show up, they barely get chance to spit out their big news thanks to George Juergens' sudden onset of word vomititus, but it looks like they're definitely hitched. We think. The whole thing seems really vague and suspicious, and judging from next week's promo there's more to this wedding than meets the eye!

In other news, Ashley's only been in town for what — a week? — and she's already determined to GTFO. After telling Anne about losing her V-card, Ash decides to get as far away from Secret Life Land as possible, and settles on cooking school in Italy — presumably to learn the art of "Meat Sauce Making." Pretty sure George Juergens doesn't even know where Italy is, so she should be safe.

My Best Friend's Wedding

Remember back in the day when Grace wasn't a sex -addicted cookie monster with mysterious STIs floating around her body? Looks like girlfriend is blasting to the past all thanks to her recent flirtation with lesbianism.

Apparently, Grace's brief sexploration was so traumatizing that she's swearing off sex forever — and she's determined to become a Christian. The New Grace has nightly chats with God, goes to church, wears various shades of pink, and most importantly? She wants nothing to do with with her lady lover, Adrian.

Credit: ABC Family    

Speaking of Adrian, poor girl is devastated about her breakup with Grace. In fact, she's so desperate for human contact that she resorts to Ben. We know, we know — things must be dire. In fact, Adrian isn't the only member of the Lee clan who wants in on the Benny action. Turns out, Adrian's dad wants to hang with him (all kinds of weird), so Ben heads over to Ruben's house and proceeds to pass out. Yep, you guessed it –– the news of Amy and Ricky's marriage has hit the rumor mill, and Ben's so traumatized that he has to be taken away on a stretcher. Someone pass the smelling salts.

It's only a matter of time before the news of Ben's fainting spell makes its way around school, only everyone thinks he's had a heart-attack or aneurysm, which makes perfect sense considering how much sausage he eats. Poor Amy is overcome with sad-faces when she hears that her wedding caused Ben to almost die, but whatevs. There are more important things at hand, like flipping her hair.

Meanwhile, our boy Jack finally has a girlfriend, only she has no interest in him whatsoever. Raven's just using Jack for access to Grant High gossip, but as usual he's completely clueless. Sigh, when will this boy realize that he's meant to be in a monogamous relationship with his football?

Credit: ABC Family    

Let It Burn

Time to check in on our favorite sausage lover, Ben "Pyromaniac" Boykewich. Ben's all a flutter because he kinda-sorta-maybe burned down Dylan's school thanks to their s'more sexathon in the chemistry lab, and Leo is totally on to him. Looks like the Sausage King has finally realized that Ben is a twice divorced lady impregnator with a love of arson, so he heads over to Dylan's parents' house to chat about their kiddos' criminal sexual preferences.

Turns out that Dylan's dad knows all about the fire, and he assures Leo that Dylan and Ben arrived at the school hours before the building burned down. In fact, it seems like this dude is willing to lie if it means protecting his darling daughter … despite the fact that she's two minutes away from morphing into Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction, but with red hair.

We're all about telling the truth, y'all, but maybe its a good idea for Leo to keep his mouth shut. Benny would get shivved so fast in jail. Sigh, at least this boy comes clean to his pops about burning down the school. Maybe The Sausage King will forgive and forget? Otherwise, off with his head!

06.19.2012 / 07:46 PM EDT by Mehera Bonner
Related: Secret Life of the American Teenager, Recaps

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