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The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette Recap: Arie and Jef Proclaim Their Love for Emily in Prague

Watch out local peasants of Prague, Emily and her bachelors are taking the city by storm. Expect your national library to be permanently stained with bodily fluids and your streets to be perfumed with the delicate odor of Arie's hair. And yes, expect something called "The Wolf" to tag your city with spray paint. It's all happening, people, and it's so magical!

Also, heads up: There's only one rose given out before the ceremony this week — on the group date!

It's time for Arie's second date with Emily, and you know what that means. She needs to replenish her fluids immediately. Spit-swapping is inevitable, as are chills and massive body sweats. At least, that's what happens to us when Arie and Emily kiss. Anyone else?

This week, Emily takes Arie on a romantic stroll around Prague, where they make out in front of various historical monuments and Arie slays the locals with his tremendous elbow patches. But wait, it's time for a truth bomb. Turns out Arie used to date one of Emily's producers and kept their sordid affair a secret! Not only that, but Emily reveals her mixed emotions during an impromptu interview, and Chris Harrison gives us a lecture in front of a rose bush. Things are getting serious.

Arie doesn't know that Emily's onto him, and when she subtly confronts him at lunch he fails to pick up what she's throwing down. God, Emily, don't you understand? His gentle kisses are the only truth you'll ever need.

Despite her fears, Emily gives Arie the opportunity to confess off camera, and then he drops the L-word all over her lap during a romantic boat ride. And no, she doesn't say it back, because there are more important things at hand. Like fireworks.

Love Lockdown

Credit: ABC/NICK RAY    

Time for Emily's date with The Wolf, and what better way to celebrate than with some romantic vandalism? Em takes John to the Lennon Wall, and after an awkward conversation, they get in touch with their inner hippies and spray paint themselves silly. Nothing says romance like the end of communism, but John seems filled with ennui and gloom. Dude should be stripping off his shirt in celebration right about now — what gives?

Emily confronts The Wolf about his reticent personality while they're eating dinner in a dungeon (no, we're not joking), and he finally admits that he's simply a double-damaged super stud, with a lonely past and cheating ex. Basically, our fave.

Actually, sorry, that's a lie. Our fave is none other than Sean Lowe, who spends this entire episode hunting Emily down through the streets of Prague in a desperate attempt to score some one-on-one time with her. When Sean finally manages to find Emily, they get their mack on and have a romantic midnight snack! We assume that Sean triumphantly bench pressed, like, five ancient statues that night.

Was anyone else getting major Beauty and The Beast vibes from Emily's group date in Prague? Chris is The Beast, The Ghost of Ryan's Memory is Garcon, Sean's Lumiere, and clearly Doug is Cogsworth.

This week, Doug takes his gentlemanly behavior to the next level during the group date, when he refuses to touch Emily's thighs. C'mon and kiss the girl, Doug! Unfortunately, Emily has no choice but to kick Doug out because he isn't handsy enough, but hey — at least she didn't leave him in a dungeon. Because, yes, they are hanging in yet another mysterious fortress.

Meanwhile, Sean and Emily have another chance to make out, and Chris decides to spend his time alone with Emily whining. We're kind of worried that he's at the beginning stages of a mental breakdown — especially because of the crazy look in his eyes when Sean gets the rose. He might carve a bobble head effigy at any moment.

Moving onto our future boyfriend, Jef Holm. He and Emily head to a puppet store so they can get there nerd on, and then they meander over to the national library to re-enact their love with marionettes. And then, you guys? Then they kiss while their puppets are also kissing. But wait, it gets better. Jef tells Emily that he's "one hundred, one million percent" in love with her. Augh, our hearts!

Obviously, Emily is so turned on by the image of herself etched in wood that she decides to let Jef take her on the floor of the library. In the interest of being safe for work, we won't use the words "dry-humping," but we're all thinking the same thing here.

Now, time for the cocktail party. Oh wait, psych! There is no cocktail party this week. You've fooled us again, Chris Harrison, you evil genius, you.

Tonight's rose ceremony is a roller coaster of emotions, mostly because Chris starts sobbing and interrupts Emily's ceremonial excommunication to apologize for "acting like a boy." Apparently, Em is all about Chris taking charge, and she eliminates The Wolf! Shocking, we know. Now back to doing what we do best: round up up gifs of Jef Holm. See you next week, gang!

06.26.2012 / 07:53 AM EDT by Mehera Bonner
Related: The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard, Jef Holm, The Bachelor, Arie Luyendyk Jr

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