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The Bachelorette

Top 10 Quotes From The Bachelorette Episode 7: “I Want to Date You So Hard and Marry the F–k Out of You!”

Welcome to The Valley of the Dolls — where puppets are always ready to talk to Emily Maynard so her awkward bachelors don’t have to. Do you think Chris Bukowski’s personal bobblehead wants to challenge Jef Holm’s personal marionette to another round of Highland Games? Should Arie Luyendyk, Jr. and Sean Lowe purchase their own dolls to not feel left out, or are we looking at Team Dolls vs. Team Walls — and maybe Jef just needs to back Emily into a corner somewhere in Salt Lake City on the Episode 8 hometown dates? As you ponder these points, please peruse these 10 Prague quotes that our own personal puppets created in honor of The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 7.

10. John Wolfner: "I'm not a starter, I'm a closer."
And I’ll be closing the door behind me when I leave. Dungeon, here I come!

9. Chris Bukowski: "If I don't get a hometown date I'll be scared for anyone around me."
Dude, we all saw you at the Highland Games. Unless you plan to send the bobblehead after everyone, no one is scared.

8. Emily [on Arie]: "What the f--k else is he hiding?"
That he’s turned on by your f-bombs … and maybe Jef’s hair?

7. Arie: "I think that's why I like Croatia so much, because I think I realized that I love you. I always thought after our first date that I was falling in love with you but I definitely realized it when we were in Croatia."
It was the wall! Walls are the new mistletoe.

6. Emily: "I like to kiss Arie. I feel like I let him know that. A lot. By kissing him. A lot."
Responds that wall in Croatia: Yeah, I noticed you kissing that other wall in Prague too. So much for dog-rubbing loyalty. Sheesh.

5. Jef [via the puppet]: “I am one million percent in love with you and I can’t even imagine what I would do without you in my life. Can we … get a dog together?”
That puppet should propose in the end. But how sad that Emily’s Bachelors are so afraid of her they have to use therapy dolls to express their feelings.

4. Emily [on Arie]: "I would've been like 'Cassie, you missed out. He's a great kisser.’"
OK, but now check to see if she’s dated Sean, Jef or Chris. You know what, who cares about Chris, just check on the other two.

3. Emily: "You make me really nervous and you make me say really awkward stuff."
Jef: "I really like your nail polish."
Emily: "Oh thanks. I'm never gonna change it."
Chloe bags, big hair and now nail polish? If this doesn’t work out, Jef could launch The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

2. Emily [to Doug, after he interrupted her with a kiss]: "Thank you for that."
And by "thank you for that" I mean “too late, get the f--k out.”

1. Jef: "I want to date you so hard and marry the f--k out of you."
Whew! You’re making Ricki’s puppet blush!