The promo for next week's episode of True Blood is 35 seconds of ugly-crying, plaid lumberjack shirts, and "O" faces.
If you watched it and still don't know whether or not Sookie will be arrested for murder — don't worry. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:01 – Camera Zooms in on Sookie's Face
Unfortunately, we can't tell whether or not her hair is in a half ponytail. We live in hope ... and fear.
0:03 – Lafayette Eye-Rolls at Sookie
Hookah, fix your teeth.
0:05 – Alcide Truth Bombs Sookie: He Told the Pelts About Debbie's Death!
Who cares, just take off your shirt!
0:07 – Sookie Lies On The Couch, Might Be In A Drunken Stupor
Her eyeballs look wonky, that's all we're saying.
0:09 – Bill and Eric Try to Figure Out Who Unearthed Russell Edgington
Maybe they should discuss this over a romantic game of strip chess.
0:10 – Pam Looks Shocked and Mildly Traumatized
Flashbacking to that time she wore a Walmart track suit, no doubt.
0:11 – Eric Sits on His Throne and Glares at No One in Particular
Are we the only ones who miss the days when he had long hair?
0:15 – Salome Interrogates Nora While Roman Makes the Most Amazing Face Ever
Little do they know that the key to Nora's heart is sibling sex.
0:19 – Bill and Eric Decide That Sookie "Could Be Useful"
Finally, she has purpose in life ... other than listening to "Bootyliscious" on repeat.
0:20 – Sookie Sits in a Leather Chair and Makes an "O" Face
Leather probably reminds her of Eric.
0:22 – Flashlights Peer Into a Grave
We get it, Russell Has Escaped
0:23 – Eric Attacks and/or Makes Sweet Love to Pam
Their relationship has always been confusing.
0:25 – There's Another Traitor In The Authority And Roman Wants To Take Lives!
Roman's stake is basically the True Blood version of a Pet Rock.
0:26 – Nora Spreads Her Arms
Giving so many imaginary hugs.
0:27 – Sookie Ugly Cries Next to Her Car
Unlike the rest of this town, Sookie actually feels bad when she murders someone.
0:29 – Debbie's Dad Attacks Alcide, Alcide Makes a Sad Face
Dude just wants to be friends with everyone.
0:30 – Jason And Andy Fall Over Onto a Grassy Knoll
Uhhhh ... bonding trip in nature, perhaps?
0:32 – Roman Bares His Fangs
Remains sexy while doing so.